PLAIN ENGLISH—Part
2
1.4 Samples
This
Section provides some samples of how plain English in legalese and other documents.
1.4.1 Legalese
Sample 1
In
his article Drafting: PLAIN ENGLISH VERSUS LEGALESE, Stephen Hunt provides a clear background to
both forms of writing and analyses the responses from 26 respondents without legal training and 60 respondents with
legal training and comes to a balanced conclusion in favour of plain English. I
urge you to take a look at this interesting contribution.
CONTRACT A
An example of a traditional legalese style contract.
Agreement for Building a House.
MEMORANDUM OF AGREEMENT, made and entered into
this second day of May, 1994, between John Smith of the one part, and Mary
Jones of the other part, as follows, viz. THE SAID Mary
Jones, for the consideration hereinafter mentioned, doth agree with the said
John Smith that she, the said Mary Jones, or her assigns, will, within the
space of three calender months next following day of the date hereof, find and
provide all fit and proper materials and things, and erect, build and finish,
in a good, sound, substantial, and workmanlike manner, one brick house or
building on a certain piece or parcel of ground, situate in 41 Matipo Ave,
Rotorua, according to the plan thereof hereunto annexed. AND
THE SAID John
Smith for the consideration aforesaid, doth agree with the said Mary Jones well
and truly to pay or cause to be paid unto the said Mary Jones, the sum of
60,000 dollars of lawful money of New Zealand, in manner following; that is to
say, 20,000 dollars, part thereof, as soon as the foundation of the said house
shall be laid, 20,000 dollars other part thereof, when the brick work of the
said house shall be carried up and covered in, and 20,000 dollars, being the
remainder thereof, in full payment of and for building the said house, when the
same shall be completed inside and out fit for occupation, subject to the
approbation of Jill Black, as surveyor of the said John Smith: AND
LASTLY, THE SAID John
Smith and Mary Jones do further to agree to perform for each other, with all
convenient speed, this memorandum of agreement, in penalty of 500 dollars for
each individual week, for any failure by more than one week, of the true
performance of the erecting, building and finishing, in a good, sound,
substantial, and workmanlike manner the aforesaid house, or failure to pay, or
failure to pay part thereof, for building the said house.
AS WITNESS, &c.
John Smith.
Mary Jones.
[Contract A is based on a precedent contained in
Woolaston, F L Woodfall’s
Law of Landlord and Tenant (1840)].
CONTRACT B
An example of a modern plain English style contract.
Contract for Building a House:
Date: May 2, 1994.
Between: John Smith the landowner and
Mary Jones the builder.
To: Build a house at 41 Matipo Avenue,
Rotorua.
Conditions of the contract:
1. Mary Jones agrees to build a house for John Smith by
August 2, 1994.
2. The house will be built to the specifications of the
attached plan.
3. John Smith will pay Mary Jones 60,000 dollars for
building the house.
a. The payment will be in three instalments of 20,000
dollars.
i. John Smith
will pay the first instalment when the foundations have been laid.
ii. John Smith
will pay the second instalment when the brick work is completed and the house
is
covered in.
iii. John Smith
will pay the third instalment when the house is completed to a standard which
is
acceptable
to Jill Black.
4. If John Smith does not pay an instalment within one
week from the day it is due a penalty will be
incurred. The
penalty is incurred every week an individual instalment remains unpaid. The
penalty
is 500 dollars
per week per unpaid instalment.
5. If Mary Jones does not complete the house within one
week from August 2 1994 a penalty will be
incurred. The
penalty is incurred every week the house is not completed. The penalty is 500
dollars per
week.
Signed:
John Smith.
Mary Jones.
[Contract B is my “translation” of Contract A into plain
English]
Source:
Hunt,
Stephen --- "Drafting: Plain English versus Legalese" [1995] WkoLawRw
9; (1995) 3 Waikato Law Review 163
___________________________________________________________________________
Sample 2
Sample
of old text
Group Conversion
(Direct Payment) Subscribers
In the event of termination of eligibility of the subscriber for
coverage as a member of the
group through which his coverage is effective, by reason of termination
of employment or
otherwise, the subscriber may, by written notice to the Service
Association within thirty
(30) days after the end of the monthly payment period in which
eligibility so terminates,
elect to convert this contract to a Group Conversion contract; provided
that no such
right of conversion shall exist if the group of which the subscriber is
a member shall enter
into an arrangement to provide any of its eligible members with hospital
care or hospital
expense protection other than through the Service Association, and if as
a result of such
arrangement the contracts of all subscribers in the group are terminated
by the Service
Association or the subscribers.
The same text in Plain English
Group Conversion Coverage
When leaving a group health care coverage plan, individual coverage is
available through
a BCBSM Group Conversion plan. You or your eligible dependents must
submit to
BCBSM a written request for a Group Conversion contract:
* within 30 days of the date your group coverage was canceled or
* within six months before the date the COBRA group
continuation coverage ends
(18 or 36 months).
"We
also changed the appearance of certificates and riders to enhance their
readability.
Both
were enlarged from 33/4 x 8/2" to 5/ x 81/ ".Colored
headnotes, bullets
and
borders were added to highlight the text. Small, light-blue type was replaced
with
large, black type. More space was allowed for margins. Since riders are usually
printed
separately from the certificates they amend, we added a pocket in the back of
each certificate where riders can be stored.
Source:
Plain English in Insurance
Papers by
George H. Hathaway and Peter A. Marroso published in Plain Language, a regular feature of the Michigan Bar Journal, edited by Joseph
Kimble for the State Bar Plain English Committee
___________________________________________________________________________
Sample 3
Legalese
Appellate
Brief
The
trial court erred in giving flawed essential elements instructions
To
the jury and thereby denied the defendant due process and fundamental
fairness
since it is error to give the jury, within the essential elements
instructions,
one statement containing more than one essential element
of
the crime and requiring of the jury simple and singular assent or denial
of
that compound proposition, fully capable of disjunctive answer, which
if
found pursuant to the evidence adduced would exculpate the defendant.
Plain
English
Appellate
Brief
The
trial judge erred by instructing the jury to affirm or deny a single
question
which contained more than one essential element of the crime.
By
joining all of the major elements, the court denied the defendant
his
due process right to be acquitted if found innocent of any one
of
the elements.
Source:
Robert
W. Benson and Joan B. Kessler’s article “Legalese V, Plain English: An
Empirical Study of Persuasion and Credibility in Appellate published in Loyola
of Los Angeles Law Review, Vol.20:301
_________________________________________________________________________
Sample 4
From a statute:
In case any building or structure is erected, constructed,
reconstructed, altered, converted or
maintained, or any building, structure or land is
used, or any land is divided into lots, blocks or sites in violation of this
article or of any local law, ordinance or other regulation made under authority
conferred thereby, the proper local authorities of the town, in addition to
other remedies, may institute any appropriate action or proceedings to prevent
such unlawful erection, construction, reconstruction, alteration, conversion, maintenance,
use or division of land, to restrain, correct or abate such violation, to
prevent the occupancy of said
building, structure or land or to prevent any
illegal act, conduct, business or use in or about such premises.
In other words:
If any use of land or of a structure — or if the
structure itself — violates this article or a local law or regulation, the
proper town authorities may take legal action to correct or end the violation
and to prevent any illegal use of the premises. [Incidentally, does the statute
apply to preexisting uses and structures?]
Source:
Joseph
Kimble’s article “Lifting the Fog of Legalese in Essays of Plain Language”
published by Carolina Academic Press 2006
___________________________________________________________________________
Sample 5
From a
mortgage:
The undersigned borrower(s) for and in
consideration of The Mortgage Company, this date
funding the closing of the above-referenced
property, agrees, if requested by Lender or Closing Agent for Lender, to fully
cooperate and adjust for clerical errors, any or all loan closing documentation
if deemed necessary or desirable in the reasonable discretion of
Lender to enable Lender to sell, convey, seek
guarantee, or market said loan to any entity, including but not limited to an
investor, Federal National Mortgage Association, Federal Home Loan Mortgage
Corporation, or the Federal Housing Authority. The undersigned
borrower(s) do hereby so agree and covenant in
order to assure that the loan documentation executed this date will conform and
be acceptable in the market place in the instance of transfer, sale, or
conveyance by Lender of its interest in and to said loan documentation.
In other words:
If the lender asks us to, we will cooperate in
fixing clerical errors in the closing documents so that the loan can be
marketed and transferred to someone else.
Source:
Joseph
Kimble’s article “Lifting the Fog of Legalese in Essays of Plain Language
published by Carolina Academic Press 2006
___________________________________________________________________________
Sample 6
“COMES NOW the
Plaintiff herein, John Smith, by and through his
undersigned
counsel and the law firm of Kirk, Spock, and McCoy, P.C.,
and pursuant to
the Colorado Rules of Civil Procedure, for his Complaint
against the
Defendant herein, Mary Jones, states and alleges as follows:”
That is 46 words. It is a fine example of “Legalese."
solution to the 46 word legalese is: Plaintiff alleges: …
Explanation:
Nothing more is need. The caption identifies the parties, their status as
plaintiff or defendant, and the lawyer or firm filing the Complaint for the
Plaintiff. The caption labels the document a “’Complaint,” so a second
reference to that fact is not necessary; we assume the Plaintiff relies on
those if the Plaintiff files in a Colorado court.
Source:
Mark Steven Cohen’s ‘How to write
in Plain English Instead of “Legalese”
at
___________________________________________________________________________
1.4.2 other
documents
Sample 7
“One
bus-driver in Debyshire … got national publicity in 2001 after translating its
183 rules into readable prose, much of which was adopted by the firm. Instead
of
‘Ensure the potential impact of
non-routine factors and problems
and other services are assessed and
details notified promptly
to an appropriate person’,
he
wrote
‘Inform the depot if you are stuck in
traffic or involved in an accident.’
Instead
of
‘Ensure machinery for issuing and
endorsing tickets is confirmed as
in working order and is set in
accordance with approved procedure’,
he
wrote
‘Check the ticket machine is showing
the correct date and place.’
p.11
of Martin Cutt’s Oxford Guide to Plain English
___________________________________________________________________________
Sample 8
The
company has entered into a revolving credit line policy of S$10 million with
XYZ bank that is secured by first priority lien on all assets under the
company.
In
plain English
We
have obtained a credit line from XYZ bank that allows us to borrow up to S$10
million. Our liabilities for the extended credit line are backed by all of our
assets and XYZ bank will have priority over other creditors to our assets.
___________________________________________________________________________
Sample 9
a.
If there are any points on which you require
explanation or further particulars we shall be glad to furnish such additional
details as may be required by telephone.
Plain Enlgish
If you have any questions, please phone.
b.
Your enquiry about the use of the entrance area at the library for the
purpose of displaying posters and leaflets about Welfare and Supplementary
Benefit rights, gives rise to the question of the provenance and
authoritativeness of the material to be displayed. Posters and leaflets issued
by the Central Office of Information, the Department of Health and Social
Security and other authoritative bodies are usually displayed in libraries, but
items of a disputatious or polemic kind, whilst not necessarily excluded, are
considered individually.
Plain English
Thank you for your letter asking for permission to put up posters in the
library. Before we can give you an answer we will need to see a copy of the
posters to make sure they won't offend anyone.
___________________________________________________________________________
Sample 10
a.
The
following summary is intended only to highlight certain information contained
elsewhere in this prospectus.
Plain English
This
summary highlights some information from this prospectus
b.
No
person has been authorised to give any information or make any representation
other than those contained or incorporated by reference in this joint proxy
statement/prospectus, and, if given or made, such information or representation
must not be relied upon as having been authorised.
Plain
English
You
should rely only on the information contained in this document or information
we have referred you to. We have not authorised anyone to provide you with
different information.
Source:
Plain
English by Say It Once Ltd. 2013
___________________________________________________________________________
Sample 11
a.
Title I of the CARE Act creates a program of
formula and supplemental competitive grants to help metropolitan areas with
2,000 or more reported AIDS cases meet emergency care needs of low-income HIV
patients. Title II of the Ryan White Act provides formula grants to States and
territories for operation of HIV service consortia in the localities most
affected bu the epidemic, provision of home and community -based care,
continuation of insurance coverage for persons with HIV infection, and treatments
that prolong life and prevent serious deterioration of health. Up to 10 percent
of the funds for this program can be used to support Special Projects of
National Significance.
Plain English
Low income people living with HIV/AIDS gain,
literally, years, through the advanced drug treatments and ongoing care
supported by HRSA’s Ryan White Comprehensive AIDS Resources Emergency (CARE)
Act.
b.
When the process of freeing a vehicle that has been
stuck results in ruts or holes, the operator will fill the rut or hole created
by such activity before removing the vehicle from the immediate area.
Plain English
If you make a hole while freeing a stuck vehicle, you must fill the hole before you drive away.
Plain English
If you make a hole while freeing a stuck vehicle, you must fill the hole before you drive away.
c.
Sections 4.40 through 4.71 do not apply to Indian
probate proceedings, heirship determinations under the White Earth Reservation
Land Settlement Act of 1985, and other proceedings under subpart D of this
part, except that §§ 4.40 through 4.71 do apply to cases referred to an
administrative law judge pursuant to § 4.337(a)
Plain English
Unless a case is referred to an administrative law judge under § 4.337(a), §§ 4.40 through 4.71 do not apply to:
Unless a case is referred to an administrative law judge under § 4.337(a), §§ 4.40 through 4.71 do not apply to:
1. Indian probate proceedings;
2. Heirship determinations under the White Earth
Reservation Land Settlement Act of 1985; and
3. Other proceedings under subpart D of this part.
__________________________________________________________________________
Sample 12
Any
person holding a driving licence to drive any class or description of motor
vehicles, who is not for the time being disqualified for holding or obtaining a
driving licence to drive any other class or description of motor vehicles, may
apply to the licensing authority having jurisdiction in the area in which he
resides or carries on his business in such form and accompanied by such
documents and with such fees as may be prescribed by the Central Government for
the addition of such other class or description of motor vehicles to the
licence. (82 words)
plain
English
If you are
holding a valid driving licence, then you can apply for an ‘addition’ for
driving another class or description of motor vehicles. You need to apply to
the licensing authority of the area where you reside or where you work.
You need to
apply in the form with supporting documents, and fees as specified by the
Central Government.
(60words,
3 sentences) (See Rule 17 and Rule 32 of CMV Rules, 1989)
Source:
Guidelines to write a plain English document by
Plain English India
at: B1d0e712483f7c8a19cb9a4ec108e45.pdf
My version
If you hold a valid driving licence, you can
apply for an additional licence for driving another type of vehicle. Please submit
to the licensing authority closest to your residence or work place the filled
appropriate application form with supporting documents and fees as specified by
the Central Government. (49 words)
___________________________________________________________________________
1.5 guidelines to writing in plain English
Martin Cutts says “I say guidelines, not
rules.”
What follows is a suggested procedure for
writing a document in plain language, taken from Martin Cutts’ Oxford Guide to
Plain English (pages 17-195), second edition—13th impression:
“Style
and grammar
1. Over the whole document, make the average
sentence length 14-20 words.
Here, ‘The key words is average,
so not all sentences need to be in this range;
there should be plenty of variety.’ Page 20, ibid)
Cutts suggests six techniques to convert long sentences into short ones:
i.
Split and disconnect ii. Split and connect iii. Say less
iv.
Use a list v. cut verbiage vi. Bin the sentence and start again
2. Use words your readers are likely to
understand.
Cutts
offers four ways:
i.
Use simple alternatives ii. Reconstruct the sentences
iii. adjusting the style to the audience
iv. Conquering the fear of not being eminent, scientific or literary
And
he offers a list of official sounding words along with alternatives,
discusses
troublesome words like ‘advices’, ‘apropos’, ‘as and when’, ‘words often
confused’ and
‘foreign
phrases with alternative phrases’.
3. Use only as many words as you need.
Cutts suggests ways to achieve this:
i.
Striking out useless words ii. Pruning the dead wood
iii. Rewriting completely
iv. Putting it all together
4. Prefer the active voice unless there’s a
good for using the passive
5. Use clear, crisp, lively verbs to express
the actions in your document.
6. Use vertical lists to break up complicated
text.
7. Put your points positively when you can.
8. Reduce cross-references to a minimum.
9. Try to avoid sexist usage.
10. In letters avoid fusty first sentences and
formula finishes.
11. Put accurate punctuation at the heart of
your writing.
12. Avoid being enslaved by myths:
1.
You must not start a sentence with ‘but’.
2.
You must not put a comma before ‘and’.
3.
You must not end a sentence with a preposition.
4.
You must not split your infinitives.
5.
You must not write one sentence paragraphs.
6.
You should write as you speak.
7.
You should not test your writing with a readability formula.
13. You can be a good writer without learning hundreds of grammatical
terms.
Preparing
and planning
14. Plan before you write.
i.
Pre-production state ii. Production
stage iii. Post-production stage
Organizing
the information
15. Organize your material in a way that helps
readers to grasp the important information
early and to navigate through the document easily. (Several models are
provided.)
16. Consider different ways of setting out
your information.
Management
of writing
17. Manage colleagues’ writing carefully and
considerately to boost their morale and
effectiveness: working with the team making the right interventions,
finally… .
Plain
English for specific purposes: e-mail, instructions and legal documents
18. Take as much care with e-mail as you would
with the rest of your writing.
19. Devote special effort to producing lucid
and well-organized instructions.
Curtts suggests knowing the readers, using imperatives, splitting
information into
chunks, help through headings and sub-headings, using appropriate
visuals, captions,
test your writing with a panel of users.
20. Apply plain English techniques to legal
documents such as insurance policies, car-hire
agreements, laws and wills.
Layout
21. Use clear layout to present your plain
words in an easily accessible way.”
___________________________________________________________________________
No comments:
Post a Comment