Managing people
.1 Managing
.2-10
People and skills
.3 People
.4 People skills
.5 Empathizing
.6 Caring and sharing
.7 Being a mentor
.8 Resolving conflicts
.9 Giving and receiving feedback
.10 Acting [self esteem and stress management]
1.11-58 Communicating
.11 Definition
.12 Purpose
.13 Process
.14-21 Constituents
.14 Introduction
.15 Speaker/listener
.16 Messages
.17 Medium
.18-21 Context
.18 Introduction
.19 Self-image
.20 Images of others
.21 Health
.22-25 Levels
.22 Kinds
.23 Extrapersonal
.24 Intrapersonal
.25 Interpersonal
.26 Flow
.27 Communication Networks
.28-50 Outlets
.28 Mediums
.29 Language
.30-50 Non-verbal medium
.30 Definition
.31 Use
.32 Role
.33 Characteristics
.34 Aspects
.35 Body language
.36 Physical characteristics
.37 Facial expressions
.38 Eye contact
.39 Nodding
.40 Posture
.41 Proximity
.42 Time
.43-49 Speech aspects
.43 Elements
.44 Voice
.45 Accent
.46 Intonation
.47 Tone
.48 Volume
.49 Sound symbols
.50 Silence
.51 Importance of communicating
non-verbally
.52-55 Barriers
.52 Dialogues
.53 Kinds
.54 Internal
.55 External
.56-58 Communicating efficiently and effectively
.56 Introduction
.57 Efficiently
.58 Effectively
Managing people
1.1 Managing
Life is about managing. Life is about
managing people in social contexts or in workplaces. Managing others around us.
Managing family members, neighbours,
colleagues, superiors, strangers. Life can be pleasant, if we can handle
or tackle people helping them, encouraging them, motivating them, enabling
them so that they are able to draw on their own strengths. Life can be worth
living if we can offer friendship, affection or love to people so that they
feel they are not all alone in this ‘cruel’ world but do ‘belong’ and evince
interest in themselves and others. Life can be rewarding if we can help others
achieve recognition, attain status so that they grow in self-esteem. Life can
be accomplishing if we can help others develop their ‘selfs’ so that they reach
their final destination of self-realization.
Managing is a global challenge that
encompasses other challenges. Managing is not avoiding problems,
not ignoring them and not wishing they would go away in time. Managing is
facing problems and solving them. Managing is equipping us with ‘skills’.
Managing is using these ‘skills’ to handle and help people so that everyone
benefits.
________________________________________________________________________
1.2 People and people
skills
I want security, attention, understanding,
recognition, popularity, respect, admiration, peace, happiness, harmony. You
want them, too, don’t you? Where do we get these from? Are they ‘shelf’ items
in a supermarket for you and I to pick and choose? You and I can get all these
only when people cooperate and help us get them. I expect people to help me get
all these. You do, too, don’t you? But do we help people get them? In other
words, do you and I possess people skills?
________________________________________________________________________
1.3 People
Who is ‘people’? The Eskimos, the Japanese,
the South Americans, the New Zealanders, the Indians? Yes, but here ‘people’ is
used in a narrow sense. Family members,
neighbours, community members, township members, friends, peers, colleagues,
superiors, enemies. It is these people we grow with and live with. Without
them, there is no meaning, no purpose, no growth, no life.
We are never alone. Not even in our dreams!
Right from birth till death, we are surrounded by people. Right from birth till
death, we have to deal with people. Right from birth till death, we have to mix
with them, mingle with them, move with them. For anything and everything. We
need each other all the time. For physical, intellectual, social, moral
support. For companionship, solace, encouragement.
All these are facts of life. But then how
aware are we, you and I? If it is our right to expect people around us to help
us achieve, is it not our duty to help others to achieve? We may be aware of
this duty, do we perform it but? Much of unhappiness, much of pain, much of
agony result from not performing this duty. We expect more, we give less. This
imbalance is the problem. We, you and I, can solve this problem if we develop/improve
and use people skills, if we are people persons [who enjoy or are
good at interacting with others].
________________________________________________________________________
1.4 People skills
What are ‘people
skills’?
The term refers to the exhibition of [showing] genuine interest in other
people—what they are and how we can help them. The key word is ‘genuine’; it
implies an ‘unselfishness’ that is generally not seen when people show interest
in others, their behaviours and actions.
________________________________________________________________________
1.5 Empathizing[=
understanding]
We must
understand that we are not perfect, we have our drawbacks, and so we
should not expect others to be
perfect, not to have drawbacks. We must
exhibit this understanding when we deal with others in such a way that they
understand this not as a condescending behaviour but a humane one.
We also clearly indicate that we see the
problems of others from their perspective or
angle, we know and understand what is going
on in their minds. And that we are with them when they need someone by their
side.
________________________________________________________________________
1.6 Caring
and sharing
We must make others understand that we care
for them, we feel as they do, we share
their grief or disappointments, we’ve had
our share of grief and disappointment, we
want to reach out to them and help them
[even if they have been and continue to be
neutral or unfriendly]. And that we have no
motive other than helping them.
________________________________________________________________________
1.7 Being
a mentor
We must be a guide to lead people in a
direction taking which they will see purpose in living, we must be a confidant
for people to unwind themselves, to share their burden, to ease them from
stress, tension, from worry, to get them to act for themselves. We must get
them to change the way they look at things, to see their situations from other
possible angles, to understand that goals will take time to reach, to continue
to work hard to reach their goals and to not give up half way because of
obstacles, unhelpful people. We must make them see within themselves to find
out whether they are introverts or extraverts, whether they are logical or emotional,
whether they are thinkers or doers, whether they are optimists or pessimists.
We must them help them out so that they grow in self-esteem and in
self-confidence.
We may thus exert positive influence on
their thinking and performing.
________________________________________________________________________
1.8 Resolving
conflicts
Resentments, grudges, personality clashes
result from conflicts between people, and conflicts remain rooted. But if we
can get them to shed their ego-oriented approaches to problems and people,
conflicts will surface and can be resolved.
________________________________________________________________________
1.9 Giving
and receiving feedback
We must help people realize the importance
of feedback to and from them; we must make them understand the value and the
usefulness of feedback in removing suspicion, anxiety, delay, misunderstanding.
________________________________________________________________________
1.10 Acting
In order to empathize, care and share, we
need an effective route we can use. The
route is our approach—our perception,
attitude and motivation. If
we perceive others as ourselves, we will be
positive in our attitude and motivation and will be able to express empathy and
care in order to make life better for them, and in the bargain for us.
· Adapt
We need to modify our behaviour to suit the needs, wishes or demands of
others. Of
course, this needs great courage because it is not easy to not mind our
ego and
prestige.
· Cooperate
We collaborate with others or complement their performance so that they
are able to
complete their tasks and realize their goals.
· Persuade
While we agree with others that they have a logic of their own in doing
things the
way they do, we also ask them to take a look at things from another
angle, another
perspective and then take a decision on what they want to continue to do
and how
they want to do it. We tell them that it is fine if they decide to
continue with the old
ways of doing things after considering our suggestions. Now they
will know that
they are responsible for their actions and that they cannot lay the
blame elsewhere.
This awareness should help boost their morale.
· Build self-esteem
We tell others that they should not indulge in self-pity and feel
frustrated because
they can’t do things that others are capable of, that they have talent
this or that, that
they should take pride in them and enjoy using those talents so that
life becomes
meaningful and worth living. We use known persons or us as examples to
prove the
point.
We build their confidence. We encourage them to speak up even when they
fear they
are not right in their assessments of people, actions or concepts [why,
they might
even find out, to their own surprise, they had wrong opinion of
themselves!], tell
them to watch how their friends and colleagues assert themselves and see
if they
cannot assert themselves, too.
self-esteem
All of us would like to
think that we are able to think, decide, act and succeed in life. It’s only
natural. So when we admire ourselves for the way they think, for the way we
act, we have self-esteem. When we have confidence in ourselves,
when we are sure about how we think, how we act, we have self-confidence.
When we respect ourselves for our beliefs and actions, we have self-respect.
When we have a good opinion and are happy about ourselves and our actions, we
have self-esteem and this leads to self- confidence and self-respect.
But it’s not uncommon for us
to have self-doubts because others around us may feel differently about us from
what we feel about ourselves. Then we come under the influence of pressure
because of judgements passed by others.
judgements
What happens in law courts?
Judgements are delivered. Some win cases and are happy. Some lose cases and are
unhappy. What happens in society? Judgements occur around us and within us.
They make us happy or unhappy.
We judge others. When your dad
presses the accelerator and the speedometer jumps to 120, you scream, “Dad!”
When your mother cries, “I give up!” because you don’t stop speeding, you wail,
“Have a heart, Mom!” When a bus driver squeezes past between the vehicles on
his left and on his right, you blow your top.
Others judge us. You clock 12
seconds in the 100 meter dash and the crowd claps. You come out of water after
a three-minute stay under it and your friends hug you. You receive a gift
voucher for answering a question rightly and your family is all smiles. On all
these occasions, your self-esteem goes up a notch.
Others judge us. You skid and
land on your back after stepping on a banana peel and people laugh. Your
teacher punishes you for a wrong-doing and your classmates pity you. You score
low marks and your father hollers at you. On all these occasions, your
self-esteem takes a dive.
We judge ourselves. You stop right
on the line as amber turns to read and you pat yourself. You snatch a child
from the speeding four wheels and you feel proud. You can’t speak English like
your peers and you feel awful. Your maths teacher turns round from the board
and fear grips you. And your self-esteem gets affected.
Such judgements of others by
us, us by others, us by ourselves go on all the time.
what do we judge?
What we think of ourselves
is important to us—as good or bad persons, as weak or strong persons, as
logical or illogical persons. What we think or don’t think, how we think or
don’t think, what we do or don’t do, what we believe or don’t believe in are
important to us. What others think of us is also very important to us.
why do we judge?
Judging is like breathing. It’s constant and a basic human need. More
often than not, it happens in spite of us and it happens whether we like it or
not. However, it’s essential for normal and healthy development.
Such incessant judgements
improve or worsen our self-esteem. When judgements are positive and favourable,
self-esteem is high. When judgements are negative and unfavourable, self-esteem
is low. Awards, acceptance, encouragement, appreciation, praise improve
self-esteem. So we feel more good about ourselves. Indifference, rejection,
insults, criticism, mockery, punishment worsen self-esteem. So we feel more bad
about ourselves.
Suggestions
Our self-esteem graph may
soar or dip. If it soars, it’s good. If it dips, what do we do?
1. It’s natural or normal to feel low. But we should continue to
believe in ourselves .
2. We should remember we’re not alone. There are several others,
even famous people, who have
low or poor self-esteem.
3. We should realise everyone of us is unique. [Stop comparing
yourself with others.]
We have abilities that others
don’t have.
4. Avoid those who laugh at your weaknesses.
5. We should identify our strengths and weaknesses.
Let’s ignore weaknesses
unless they hinder growth.
6. We should exercise our right to decide, define, describe our
weaknesses.
7. We should take steps to eliminate one weakness at a time.
8. We should listen to others but only we should decide what to
do
and what not to do.
9. We should own up our failures.
We shouldn’t blame them on
somebody else.
10. No one succeeds all the time; failures are part of life.
11. Analyse failure. Identify the source. Next time round, make it a
success.
12. We should always remember we are the architects of our
successes and failures.
13. Stay with those who support you by telling you your strengths.
Finally, our thinking is based on events. But events are not facts.
· Use
emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence includes perceiving, understanding, using
emotions and
managing them. This is a capacity innate in every human being but
unfortunately
most of us are not even aware that we can use this intelligence to
help ourselves and
others.
stress management
Why have I taken up this topic?
Because
I’m as concerned about you as Mr Gopalakrishnan, Mr Mohsin Aziz and Ms Sujatha
are [Read “IT boom—boon or bane” in the Hindu of 3 September 2006, “IT—some
issues in stress management” in the Hindu of 17 September 2006, “IT/ITES staff face insomnia problems” in the
Hindu of January 17, 2007 and “Computer jobs can cause back, neck pain” in the
Hindu of 22 January 2007]. Because education should help you to face and
overcome challenges in life.
Why should this topic interest you?
Because
prevention is better than cure. Because I agree with Mr Mohsin’s suggestion:
“The
most important aspect of any stress management intervention is to give
employees knowledge about stress.” Now read on.
You’re
in your first or second semester. Before you realise what has happened, you’ll
have entered your seventh semester. That’s when several IT firms and a few core
companies land in your campus. And you’ll be busy going through the process of
selection. If you’re good (I’m sure you’ll be by then), you’ll be offered a
position with an attractive compensation by an IT or a BPO organisation.
If
you accept the offer, you’ll become part of an environment that is stressful.
Let’s understand what stress is and how you can manage it.
What is ‘stress’?
Stress
is the pressure we feel or worry we have about problems in life. It’s a state
[or condition] of mental, emotional or other strain. According to Stress
Management, stress is a physiological response to an internal or external
stimulus that triggers the “fight-or-flight” reaction. According to medical
science, stress is a perturbation of the body’s homeostasis. In psychology,
stress is an internal state which can be caused by physical demands on the body
or by environmental and social situations which are evaluated as potentially
harmful, uncontrollable or exceeding our resources for coping. Pressure is what
is happening to us, stress is how we react to a particular pressure.
What happens when there is stress?
Stress
can be real or perceived [=imagined or understood as real]. When I have a heart
attack, it is real. I can also construe severe pain in the chest as heart
attack. There is stress in both situations. So my brain responds and releases
stress hormones—cortisone and adrenaline. My body uses the hormones, acts and
fights the stress. I or my relatives take steps to deal with the problem; the
stress hormones in my blood stream or in the blood stream of my relatives are
used up and I or my relatives return to normal. In the latter, my imagination
runs riot in chain of stress situations that lets stress hormones accumulate in
my blood stream. And my physical and mental conditions move from bad to worse.
In fact, I may even be inviting a heart attack!
How do we know we are stressed?
The
following conditions are the indicators:
i. loss of appetite --we have no desire to eat
ii. insomnia --we spend sleepless
nights
iii. lose concentration -- we are disturbed and unable to
continue why we’re doing
iv. memory loss --we have difficulty in
remembering things
v. sudden increase in errors –we commit
errors more frequently now than in the past
vi. anger --we get angry
at the slightest provocation
What causes stress?
The
physical, environmental and social causes[sources] of stress are known as stressors.
They can be internal or external.
internal stressors
•body-related
•excessive heat or cold •poor diet
•ailments •constant rushing •drugs/alcohol
•sugar
•too much caffeine •lack of
exercise •overweight
•mind-related
•high expectations from self
•low self image
•loneliness/isolation
•keeping to yourself [not mixing]
•less time with family
•financial concerns
•unresolved conflicts
•excessive time away from home [guilt
feeling]
•your
unfulfilled expectations from others
•spiritual
•holding things inside that we are afraid to
say openly
•staying in a job we dislike
•pushing ourselves to do things that we don’t
want to do
external stressors
•demands
[expectations]by family and friends
•pleasing
others
•traffic
snarls/jams •death of near and
dear
•divorce
or separation
•ill
treatment by or lack of support from family/friends/authority[school/college/office]
•workplace
•work
overload
•long
hours
•work
monotony
•meeting
deadlines
•keeping
pace with technology
•ambiguity
in duties or rights
•unnatural
working hours
•lack
of opportunity for creativity
•inability
to cope with competitive work environment
•pressure
from superiors
•unreasonable
performance demands
•lack
of feedback on performance
•partiality
from superiors
•little
support from superiors
•bullying/harassment/mockery
from colleagues
•not
seeing eye-to-eye with co-workers
•conflict
among staff
•office
politics
•burnout
Internal
and external stressors are not independent of each other. They act upon one
another. For instance, traffic jam may make you feel bodily and mentally tired
by the time you reach your office. Your wife may have wanted your help, say, in
housekeeping.
Failing
to meet her expectation leads to frustration and you enter your office with it.
You may thus begin your office work with stress. And workplace stresses get
added to this. You feel defeated, emotionally and physically drained to put up
any fight and thus accumulate stress over stress.
What are the effects of stress?
Both
the body and mind suffer from:
physical : tense muscles, dizziness, rapid
heartbeats, headache, allergies, hypertension,
heart ailments,
impairment of immune system, irritable bowel ndrome[IBS],
chronic fatigue, weight
loss/gain, insomnia
mental
: reduction in memory/concentration/learning, cynicism, irritability,
mental
fatigue, feeling of
helplessness, reduction in productivity, illusion about life
How do we manage stress?
By
managing stress, we’ll be able to remove the imbalance created by stress and
bring back our mind and body to normalcy.
short-term methods
1.
During moments of stress, don’t think, don’t exercise your mind. But
■ breathe deeply and slowly
■ tense your muscles and relax them
■ visualise a peaceful scene
■ take if possible a quick short walk for
a breath of fresh air.
2.
Have a balanced diet:
■ avoid processed and/or fast foods
[chemical or ill-prepared foods are injurious to health.]
■ avoid coffee; caffeine is bad for health
■ take fresh fruits and vegetables; drink
fresh milk.
3.
Drink a lot of water [tap water will do].
Water helps all organs including brain
function properly.
It helps stop dehydration due to
air-conditioning or humidity.
4. Do physical exercises.
Walking is the simplest and the best
exercise. A ten-minute walk a day
will do a world of good. Other exercises can also be thought of.
Exercises
increases blood flow to the brain. They produce beta-endorphin that has
positive effect on how we feel. They warm and relax muscles and tissues.
They
distract you from feeling stressed.
5. Sleep well.
As you go to bed, close your mind to
everything else and say to yourself,
“I’ll have deep sleep.” Believe you’ll
sleep well. This may take a day or
two or even a week. But persist you must
and have faith in your ability to
sleep. In due course, this
auto-suggestion will work. If your sleep well,
duration does not matter at all.
6. Practise meditation and perform yoga.
The former brings peace to
mind and the latter, peace to the body.
Long-term methods
1.
Learn to laugh
Laughter reduces hypertension and stress
hormones. It removes stale
air from the lungs and body tissues. It
increases blood circulation and
strengthens immune function [by raising levels of infection-fighting
T-cells, disease-fighting proteins called
gamma-interferon, and disease-fighting
antibodies called B-cells].
2.
Fill your mind with positive thoughts rather than negative ones. Look at life,
people
and situations positively. This is
difficult but possible with effort and time.
3.
Listen to music that touches your soul, that brings peace to you, that makes
you happy.
4.
Become, if already you’re not, an extrovert. Spend time with friends and
family.
5.
Get help to know the kind of person you are.
Most of us believe we know
ourselves. Unfortunately, this is not the truth. We
either underestimate or overestimate
ourselves and our capacities. There are
several psychological tests available. Use them to know your limits and
strengths.
Work within your limits. Develop your
strengths. Take steps to convert your
weaknesses into strengths. For instance,
oral communication may be your problem.
But
you may be good at written communication. Share your thoughts in writing
initially
but gradually develop your oral skills.
Nothing is impossible if you keep trying, if you never give up.
6. Avoid being stressed at all.
See stress as an opportunity to judge
yourself, not as an opportunity to judge others.
When you are stressed, react to it. But
don’t allow it to occupy your mind completely.
Don’t allow your mind to mull over it.
Give an antidote. Analyse your thinking, your
actions, your behaviour. Don’t expect
others to change their behaviour. Don’t say:
I didn’t start it. Why should I
change? Don’t think: Let him change first, then I will.
This will only aggravate or worsen
relationship.
We may not be able to change others. But
certainly we can change ourselves. If necessary,
change your perception, that is,
change how you see or understand others, situations and
yourself. Then your attitude, that
is, your opinion will change. Then you can maintain your
motivation, if not improve it.
Once you have such mental balance, nothing
or no one can cause stress as you know how to
handle it. Now peace and happiness will be
yours.
Remember emotional health is basic to
mental and body health. Don’t simply keep thinking about stress. Act
We use this emotional intelligence to
detect and identify emotions of others and ours, we use this ability to understand these emotions in us
and others, we use this ability to contain
exhibition of emotions [especially negative ones] and channelize the
energy to
perform activities like thinking and
problem-solving. We use this ability to inspire
or influence others to develop their own
emotional intelligence, who in turn can help others to develop theirs. In fact,
it can be a sort of chain reaction occurring between people who make the
effort.
Initially, the others we’re trying to help
may respond negatively—by being indifferent or being even hostile. But we
should not be disheartened, we should not give up, we have to exercise patience
and persist in our efforts until others realize we have no personal gain except
to see them happy. And then trust and respect will follow. Suddenly, the world
becomes a better place to live in—for others and us.
It's important to know that people skills
do not exist in isolation. They are always accompanied by compassion. Our
ability to be in tune with others’ emotions is what endears us to them.
It’s important to know that people
skills do not exist in isolation. They need
a medium for their expression. And the medium is
communicating –speaking and listening, writing and
reading. What use are good intentions if they are not
made known, if they are not given shape, if they are not realized, if they
remain mute? What use are good intentions if they don’t get communicated?
_____________________________________________________________
Communicating
1.11 Definition
You couldn’t imagine this world without
communicating, could you? Just pause for a moment, won’t you, and imagine this
world not communicating. How would this world be if everyone was mute in
thought and action? If there were no communicating what would we be? And where
would we be?
Communicating occurs all over the world all
the time in some form or the other through some medium or the other for some
purpose or the other between and among individuals, groups, organizations,
societies, nations and cultures. We cannot but communicate. The urge is so
great. And sometimes so urgent and so irrepressible! That’s how gossip was
born. That’s how gossip grows and thrives. Disinformation is only its
sophistication. We would go mad if we didn’t communicate. This is the basic
philosophy employed in breaking hard-core criminals by keeping them for days without
human contact.
Defining communicating, it seems, is not a
difficult proposition. If I were to ask you what communicating is, you wouldn’t
hesitate to tell me. You might say, “Communicating is talking.” I’d remain
silent and you’d understand what you said was not enough and you might say, “
It’s writing.” I’d say, “Is that all?” You might say, “Ah, yes, it’s also
listening.” I’d simply look at you. You might say, “ Ah, it’s also reading,
isn’t it?” I might say, “ Well, what you’ve said are acts of communicating.” You might begin to look annoyed at what you
might imagine to be my smugness, and yet you might make another attempt: “What is
communicating? Aha, now I know. Exchanging information.” You might look at me
victoriously. But I might say, “What you’ve said is fine, but…….” Now your
annoyance would change to irritation (justifiably, of course) and you might
interrupt with a challenge, “ All right. What else is it? You tell me!”
Here are some attempts at defining or
describing “communicating”:
transmitting information, imparting or
exchanging views, ideas, thoughts, feelings
etc. by spoken, written or body language
[Reader’s Digest word power dictionary]
exchanging information,
news, ideas, etc. with somebody, make your ideas, feelings,
thoughts known to other
people so that they understand them [Advanced Learner’s]
sharing or exchanging
information, conveying (an emotion or feeling) non-verbally[Oxford]
the exchanging of thoughts,
messages, or information, as by speech, signals, writing,
or behavior, interpersonal
rapport.
communication is the sum of all the things
one person does when he wants to create
understanding in the mind of another. It
involves a systematic and continuous process
of telling, listening and understanding.
|
All these
definitions seem straightforward enough, don’t they? Where is the problem, you
might ask. ‘Transmit’ implies the speaker knows what to say, how to say, when to say. But do we know all the time what
exactly we want to say, do we handle the medium[s] well all the time, do we
choose the time that is right for transmitting? ‘Exchange’ implies the listener
is responding but it doesn’t imply that the listener receives the messages
exactly how the speaker wants him/her to receive, just to give one example of
what might happen or not happen in the communicating process. ‘Behaviour’ and
‘rapport’ are two other key words. Communication can also be what one does not
do or say.
That’s exactly the problem. Is
communicating a physical act or a mental act or both? How do we know
communicating is not mechanical? Is communicating a willing or a perfunctory
act? We communicate all the time but when it comes to saying what communicating
really is, we don’t seem to be able to do it. The fault is neither yours nor
mine; it’s definitely not for lack of comprehension of the concept of
communicating. I doubt if anyone can
ever even attempt to describe communicating in its entirety. We may say a lot
and a lot more. Yet, something will always have been left out. Communicating is
a human behaviour. And is there a human behaviour that has been captured
comprehensively in a few words or pages?
Yet, communicating is the only means through which we must manage our fellow beings. Let’s
us see, in the rest of this book, how best we can manage people through
communicating—speaking, listening, writing, reading.
________________________________________________________________________
1.12
Purpose
We have this unstoppable urge. We wish
to be heard or read. We wish to “be received”. We get upset if we are
not. This urge is so demanding that we thrust ourselves on others without
realizing it. We wish to “be understood”. We become annoyed or unhappy
if we are not. We seek all ways to realize this wish. We wish to “be
accepted”. We want recognition, respect, admiration. We are hurt if we
don’t get them. We are not satisfied with being accepted, understood or
appreciated. We wish to “get action”. We wish for a change of attitude
or behaviour from others. So we persuade, coerce, threaten or punish.
________________________________________________________________________
1.13 Process
Ideally speaking, communicating [face to face/ over phone] is a continuous
process of cause and effect. I speak to you, you listen to me and then respond
to me. As a speaker I initiate and as a listener you receive and respond. As
you respond, you become the speaker. And now I become the listener, receive and
then respond. This goes on until you and I, you or I or someone else decides to
conclude the act or stop it.
1,2,3…..
1a, 2a, 3a
cause/initiate®speak/write/act ®® effect/respond®listen/read/act
¯
1c,2c,3c……
1b, 2b, 3b
listen/read/act¬respond/effect¬¬ speak/read/act¬respond/cause
|
In reality, however, communicating is
non-interactive (one way) or partly interactive (part
two-way):
one-way [i] speaking®® listening(?)
___________________________________________________________________________
one-way ‘ii] speaking®®listening
¯
(un)comprehending
¯
silence¬¬silence
___________________________________________________________________________
one-way [iii] speaking®®listening
¯
(un)comprehending
¯
silence
¬ ¬¬ ¯
silence
silence¬ ¬¬ ¬¬¯
___________________________________________________________________________
part two-way [i] speaking®®listening
¯
(un)comprehending
¯
silence¬ ¬¬ speaking
_________________________________________________________________________
part two-way [ii] speaking ®® ®listening
¯
(un)comprehending
¯
listening¬ ¬¬speaking
¯
(un)comprehending
¯
speaking®® ®listening
¯
(un)comprehending
¯
silence¬ ¬¬ speaking
Whether one-way or two-way,
comprehending need not be total all the time. Mere communicating does not
guarantee comprehension.
|
________________________________________________________________________
Constituents
1.14
Introduction
Communicating orally is made up of
several constituents. There must be a speaker,
which automatically implies the presence of a listener. They in turn
impart, convey, exchange or share messages of personal or non-personal
nature through one or more than one medium in a given context.
________________________________________________________________________
1.15 Speaker/listener
For the process of communicating to
start, an initiator and a receiver are necessary. Occasionally, the receiver
could be a pet or domestic animal. Very often, a single human being could be
talking and listening to himself/herself.
However, most often, communication takes
place between [i] two individuals, [ii] two groups, [iii] one and several and
[iv] among several. When two individuals or two groups communicate, they are
engaging in conversation. When one individual communicates with several,
he/she is lecturing, giving a seminar or making a speech.
When several individuals communicate among themselves, they are engaging in group
discussion or brainstorming.
The speaker and the listener should use
their mental [process of thinking, analyzing and understanding], linguistic
[language related] abilities and nonverbal behaviour to participate in the
communicating event.
_______________________________________________________________________
1.16 Messages
Messages are also known as sensations or
stimuli. They can be non-personal or personal. Non-personal messages contain
information/facts. Since information can be verified it is termed non-personal.
Personal messages contain thoughts, impressions, feelings, emotions. Thoughts
can be suggestions, interpretations, requests, recommendations, orders,
decisions, enquiries, beliefs, values. Impressions include fears, prejudices
and the like. Likes and dislikes, tastes form feelings. Emotions may be anger,
jealousy, shock, disappointment, happiness, sadness, wonder, surprise,
pleasure, joy. All these messages are personal and cannot be verified.
These
messages are derived from the knowledge stored in memory. This knowledge is
about people, places, objects, ideas. It is gained through experience by
interacting (either directly or through the experiences of others) with
environment consisting of people, places, objects, ideas. Then these messages
are encoded [formed] and decoded [received] with the help of one or more
mediums.
________________________________________________________________________
1.17 Medium
It is not
enough if there are people to interact; it’s not enough if there are messages
to convey. People require a medium. Language, speech aspects, body language,
visuals are the mediums we use to encode and decode and thus interact. We will learn about these in detail in the
section 1.28 entitled ‘outlets’.
________________________________________________________________________
Context
1.18 Introduction
The
context provides the climate for the communicating act. It’s the environment in
which we move, mingle, mix, think, talk, satisfy others and us. This context is
internal as well as external.
The internal
climate comprises the purpose, self-image, images of others, health and
relationship.
Generally
it is the speaker who has a purpose in communicating. The nature of the purpose
will depend on the specific communicating occasion. For Relationship see 1.22 entitled ‘levels’.
_______________________________________________________________________
1.19 Self-image
We have
within us stored knowledge gained through our experiences. This knowledge consists of
information we have gathered, concepts we have formed, the attitudes we hold,
the values we believe in, the mediums at our disposal, the feelings we have
towards us and others, the emotions we experience, the needs we have to fulfil.
This knowledge comprises our self-esteem [low/moderate/high], our awareness of
how well or ill we use our abilities of speaking, listening, writing and
reading, of how good or poor our logic and abilities like interpreting,
inferring, evaluative are, of our self-confidence [low/moderate/high], of our
personality [aggressive/assertive/timid/brave/cowardly], and so on.
If our
evaluation of our total self-image is more than real [high], it becomes
superiority complex, and if it less than real [low], it becomes inferiority
complex. If it is close to real, we have a balanced view of ourselves.
This
knowledge about self is crucial to how well or poorly we perform as speakers or
listeners or non-participating partners.
________________________________________________________________________
1.20 Images of others
We also
have within us images of our communicating and non-communicating partners, of
those who are participating or not participating in communicating events. We
form favourable, unfavourable, neutral images of these people through direct
contact/ experience or hearsay/based on experiences of others and through how
we interpret these experiences.
This
knowledge about others is again crucial to how well or poorly we perform as
speakers or listeners or non-participating partners.
_______________________________________________________________________
1.21 Health
This
refers to the physical condition (whether ill or well), the physical ease
(whether comfortable or not), and mental disposition. Mental disposition
includes perception, attitude, motivation, confidence, closeness, curiosity,
concern, uncertainty, fear, and so on. All these will decide the mood
we’ll be in when we communicate, what we say and how we say them.
The external
climate comprises location, noise, audience and relationship between audience
and us as willing/unwilling participants. Location refers to the climate
and the geography of the place where the communicating act occurs. Noise
refers to all the sounds that surround the participants. Audience refers
to the people who may or may not be present throughout the communicating act,
who may join after the act has begun and who may leave before the act
concludes. Their personalities form an integral part of the external climate. Relationship
refers to the level of intimacy between us and the members of the audience. The
status is another aspect that will affect the relationship.
Only when all these constituents
function properly can we manage people through communicating.
_______________________________________________________________________
Levels
1.22 Kinds
Communicating occurs at three different
levels: extrapersonal, intrapersonal, interpersonal.
_______________________________________________________________________
1.23
Extrapersonal
It’s not uncommon to find people talking to
animals, pets, plants, elements of nature. Farmers talks to their bulls,
milkmen to their cows, herdsmen to their animals, horse trainers to their
horses, children to their pets, dedicated gardeners to their flowers and
plants, humans to the Sun or rain god, poets to nature. Through such
communication, we seem to seek friendship, companionship, consolation,
encouragement.
________________________________________________________________________
1.24 Intrapersonal
When we meditate, contemplate, when we
think, analyze, interpret in our mind, we are communicating to ourselves. Also
messages move between body and brain, and brain and body. When a mosquito bites
you, when you eat something too hot, when your body meets darkness, when a
stranger touches you, when you hear your name being called or announced,
messages reach the brain and the brain in turn issues instructions for the body
to follow. When you read articles on AIDS, harmful consequences of drinking and
smoking, your brain decides one way or the other and the body complies.
________________________________________________________________________
1.25 Interpersonal
When we wish to talk to someone other than
us, we’re communicating interpersonally. We talk to people we know or people we
don’t know. And they may in turn communicate to us.
Yet there are differences, aren’t there, in
the way we view them and communicate with them. Some relatives are different
from the others; some neighbours are closer to us than the others. Some friends
are dearer to us than the others. Acquaintances are different from friends. An
elderly colleague from one of our age, one sister/brother from another. We
don’t treat all at the same level. We reflect these differences in our levels
of communicating—in what we say and how we say, in our gestures, in our
attitudes, in the kind of language choice. These relationships are linked to
and so affected by the levels of intimacy.
With
zero/no intimacy, the relationship is formal. Our communicating will be formal
with officials in public and private organizations, with superiors
in workplace, editors of newspapers, journals and magazines, and with strangers.
We don’t make personal enquiries, we are polite and respectful to them. With
some intimacy, the relationship is semi-formal. Our communicating will be semi-formal
with public figures, with acquaintances, with some relatives and friends. We are not close
and may not share with them everything about us.
With almost full intimacy, the relationship is informal. Our communicating will
be informal with some friends and relatives. We feel like sharing with them
almost everything about us.
nonpersonal
formal
officials in public or private organizations
such as government offices, educational
institutions, business
houses
superiors in professional set-up
editors of newspapers and magazines
strangers other than those belonging to the three
categories above
|
personal informal
·friends with whom you public You know them through their services to the society
· relatives are very intimate figures They are leaders in politics, religion and various
other
[immediate] and with
whom They are not strangers to you though they may not
know
[ or distant] you want to share
·neighbours your inmost thoughts
personal semiformal
public You know them through their services to the society
figures They are leaders in politics, religion and various
other
They are not strangers to you though they may not
kn
distant
These are distant by relation and contact. So
the
relatives intimacy level is
generally low and may remain so.
immediate
These are close to you by relation; they are your parents,
relatives
sisters, brothers, wife and children. But the intimacy level
may not be high enough
to share with them your inmost thoughts.
acquaintances You met them somewhere or have
been introduced to them.
friends
with whom you are not very intimate
neighbours
|
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
1.26 Flow
The movement of communication from one to another or a group of persons
indicates the flow. The flow can be downward, upward, lateral, or diagonal as
you can see below:
If the top management is A the next level below
in the hierarchy is B1, B2, B3 and the next level below is C1, C2, C3 under B1,
B2 and B3 respectively. Upward, downward, horizontal, and diagonal communication
occurs between them and among them.
Downward communication takes place when
messages move downwards from the top
management to the lowest level in the chain of command. The messages include
routine information, new or modified management policies, schedules or
procedures, asking for clarification. They may be conveyed telephonically or
personally, or they may come in the shape of notices, memos, bulletins.
Upward communication takes place when
message move upwards from the lowest level to the top management. The messages
include feedback, reports, recommendations,
suggestions, findings. This is not a common feature in organizations
where authority dominates. Middle level managers act as ‘gatekeepers’ between
the lower and the upper levels.
Lateral or horizontal communication takes
place when messages move sideways between and among workers of equal status.
This facilitates coordination between departments and promotes smooth
functioning of the organization. However, this can create conflicts if this
type of communication lacks official sanction from the top management.
Diagonal communication takes place when
messages move in all directions cutting across hierarchical levels. Here, a
production manager has direct access to, say, Vice President [finance] without going through his superior—Vice
President [production]. This type of communication helps when there is pressure
for immediate action. Even this communication needs official sanction for its
success or acceptance as an informal procedure.
________________________________________________________________________
1.27 Communication networks
Network, in computing, refers to a number
of computers and other devices connected
together in order to share equipment and
information.
A network, in terms of administering
activities of a given group, is a ‘closely
connected group of’ people, departments,
offices established for the common purpose
of exchange of information.
This expression is intimately linked with
‘organizational communication’. A Chain
Network does
not permit deviations and the communication is vertical, that is,
downward or upward. A Y-Network permits
both vertical and horizontal
communication. The Wheel Network
permits several workers reporting to one person.
This combines both horizontal and diagonal
flow of messages. The Circle Network
permits vertical communication between
subordinates and superiors, and horizontal
among workers. An All-Channel Network allows
everybody to communicate with
every other person. There is no restriction
in sending or receiving messages.
All these five networks exist at a formal
level for all official purposes.
There is one communication network that we
should mention and know about. Because this is informal and perhaps the
most powerful means of communication that underlines group behaviour. We all
gossip, don’t we? When we gossip, we discuss, describe, probe, analyse, dissect
people, their actions and activities –personal and official. We spread, add,
remove information that we believe to be true or false. Gossip occurs in pairs
or groups or in clusters.
This gossip has a modest name—grapevine.
Most managements encourage workers to indulge in gossip because this is a
convenient means of sending and receiving messages.
Grapevine carries information, messages,
opinions from and to the management. Of course, there is always the danger of
communications getting twisted out of shape.
________________________________________________________________________
Outlets
1.28 Mediums
Though we
may never know for sure how the early inhabitants of this earth communicated,
we could probably say they must have initially expressed themselves through
actions and producing sounds of various sorts. Over a period of time they must
have found these inadequate and hence evolved a symbol system of a kind to
identify things around them, to express their reactions to them, to convey all
else they wanted. Then as population increased, circumstances must have compelled
them to split up and different symbol systems must have thus emerged.
Today we
have at our disposal several mediums and innumerable ways of communicating
through them.
1. symbols : language, sports, art forms,
signals
2. non-verbal : body language : facial
expression,
messages gestures, eye
contact, nodding, proximity,
touch, orientation[posture], time, physical
characteristics,
speech aspects: voice,
stress, accent, volume, silence
3. stereotypes
4. culture
5. objects
6. audience
|
We express
ourselves through “sports and art forms” as professionals, as audience and as
critics. Sports include games, track and field events. Art forms include
singing, dancing, painting, photographing, sculpting, sketching, designing,
movies, dramas, mimes.
Traffic
lights, zebra crossing, road signs, hand signals, whistling come under
‘signals’.
________________________________________________________________________
1.29 Language
Language,
in a broad sense, is any method of expression. “Sign language’, ‘body language’
are examples.
We also
have the ‘language of mime’, ‘the language of mathematics’, ‘deaf-and-dumb
language’, ‘the subtle language of a woman’s eyes’, ‘the language of flowers’,
‘a language of dots and dashes’, ‘the dancing language of bees’. As all of us
know, ‘music’ is considered a universal language. Dancing, painting, sculpting,
pictures, photographs have their own languages and grammar.
But
generally speaking, the word ‘language’, when heard or read, evokes in us the
image of language as humans use it. Here are some descriptions of language:
“Speech
is the representation of the experience of the mind” (Aristotle)
“Language is a purely human
and non-instinctive method of communicating
ideas, emotions and desires
by means of a system of voluntarily
produced symbols.” (Sapir)
“A language is a system of
arbitrary vocal symbols by means of which a
social group
cooperates.” (Block and Trager)
“When we study human language,
we are approaching what some might
call “human essence” the
distinctive qualities of mind that are, so far
as we know, unique to them.”
(Chomsky)
“Language is the method of
human communication, either spoken or
written, consisting of the
use of words in a structured and conventional way.” (Oxford)
“Language is a communication
system to express thoughts and
emotions by symbols and
sounds, etc.” (Reader’s Digest Word Power Dictionary)
|
To put it another way,
·
Language is a system of symbols.
· The
symbols consist of a given set of sounds and corresponding
letters.
· These
sounds and letters are used in given patterns in speech
and
writing.
Note: ‘given’ means that every human language is
distinct from
each other in that all of them do not
have the same set and
do not use them in the same patterns.
|
We use organs like air stream mechanism (to
push air out of the lungs), the vocal cords, the roof of the mouth, the tongue,
the teeth and the lips. When we use them in certain ways, we produce vowels and
consonants. When we use vowels and consonants in certain combinations, we form
words to carry meaning. When we use words in certain combinations, we form
sentences to carry meaning.
Register is
the next aspect of knowledge of language choice that we need to know about. It
is a given set of words and sentences structures that we use with a set of
people. We speak of the register of medicine, the register of agriculture, the
register of technology, the register of journalism and so on.
________________________________________________________________________
I may share a set of thoughts in different
registers with different people. Here is an example:
(to
my wife) : Met that fool Sekar today. Wants his job…..
Just imagine!
(to my
colleague) : Remember Sekar? You
don’t? He’s the one
who stole the
money and tried to pin it on me.
He wants his
job back. Look at his temerity!
(to my boss): I met Mr Sekar
yesterday, sir, he was
dismissed a
month ago for stealing, if you
remember. He
asked me to enquire if his
post was
still vacant. I said I’d pass on the
the message,
sir.
|
Here I used different language choices
(registers) because my relationship varied. “Dhoni carried his bat” would mean
different things: in general English it would mean ‘Dhoni carried an object
called ‘bat’ whereas in the language of cricket it would mean ‘Dhoni remained
not out’.
Then there is denotation or connotation.
When we use a word referring to objects, concepts or actions, it has denotative
meaning. The word ‘fire’ in “The fire spread quickly” refers to flames
whereas the same word has a connotative meaning in “I was fired” because
it means more than “I lost my job”. So connotation provides an idea or a
feeling in addition to its primary meaning. We need to be careful with
adjectives. “Thin” is generally negatively connotative while “lean”
or “slim” is favourably connotative. “Chubby” is favourably
connotative and “fat” is negatively connotative when we use them with
reference to a child. “You want me to come home? A home is not just blocks
of walls with a roof, you know!” Here the speaker is attaching his values
to the object the word is referring to.
Then we have arranging words in specific
structures. “Quality product” conveys a meaning different form “product
quality”. “He’s there” gives a message different from “There he is!”. “All” in
‘I know what they all wanted’ and in ‘All they wanted was understanding’
expresses different thoughts.
Since we want to manage
people through communicating, we require
a good command of the English
language. A good command of English
implies that we should know and
use words and sentence structures
appropriate to messages and
without meaning and grammar errors so
that listeners can clearly
understand what we are saying, and will want
to respond to.
|
Non-verbal medium
1.30 Definition
We communicate also
non-verbally. This is known as non-verbal communication. What does this mean?
When messages are passed on from one person to another without using words or
speech, they are termed non-verbal. In other words, non-verbal
communication is a process of sending and receiving wordless messages.
Non-verbal communication
is equated with ‘body language’. This is because most of it occurs through the
use of the body. Body language also includes ‘gestures’ that we do with different
parts of the body. However, There are
also certain other means of communication that are non-verbal. These we shall
discuss after learning about body language and what it means and implies.
________________________________________________________________________
1.31 Use
Communicating
non-verbally must be older than verbal communication. Our human ancestors must
have used their limbs—body parts—to communicate with each other long before
they were able to use sounds to form words, to create and use words to form
sentences. For thousands of years, we have been using languages and improving
them everyday to communicate. Even after such long use of languages, non-verbal
communication has not died; in fact, we’ve been using it like before.
We have improved our
languages over centuries through continuous creation of new words and use of
sentence structures innovatively. And yet, we use non-verbal communication
alone [by itself] or along with the verbal. Why is this?
_______________________________________________________________________
1.32 Role
Because, as we will learn
in the next few pages, non-verbal communication can strengthen, confirm or
contradict verbal communication. And by itself [that is, without words] it can
give messages with force, accuracy or clarity.
Moreover, it clearly
reveals the personality of the person concerned. It depicts the behaviour
pattern[s] of the person. Various aspects of a person’s character go to make up
personality. Things like perception, attitude, motivation, involvement,
consistency, persistence are part of personality. Non-verbal communication
reveals such aspects.
________________________________________________________________________
1.33 Characteristics
Non-verbal communication
and behaviour can be involuntary or voluntary. It’s voluntary when we
are conscious of what we’re doing with our body or when our body is under the
control of our will. For instance, in normal conditions, we walk when we want
to, we read the newspaper because we want to, we lie down because we want to
rest our body and so on. Children throw stones to chase dogs away. These and
other similar actions are the result of conscious decision-making. In other
words, we know what we’re doing.
Non-verbal communication
is also involuntary when our will has no control over body movements. For
instance, when we are in deep thought, we don’t know what our body is doing; we
may be walking without knowing we’re walking, we may pick up the newspaper and
turn the pages without knowing that we’re doing it. We may cross the road
without being aware of it. Our eyes may be looking at someone but our mind
doesn’t register the person.
Non-verbal messages may accompany
[=go with] verbal [oral] messages. We say “congrats!”, we also smile and/or shake
hands. We say “please come in!” and we indicate the welcome with a smile and an
arm gesture. Parents show anger with words and body language like slapping,
hitting or beating. To add effect to what we’re saying, we lower our voice and whisper.
Non-verbal messages may not
accompany verbal [oral] messages. Such absence of nonverbal also sends
messages. We may say “I’m leaving” but we may have no intention of leaving.
When someone knocks and seeks permission to enter, we say “come in!” without
getting up or stopping what we’re doing. Because we know our subordinate is
coming in. Or because we know who is coming and we want to show our unhappiness
or some other feeling towards that person.
Very often we communicate
only nonverbally. We may enter a place without permission to show there is no
formality or to show authority. We may leave a place without putting it in
words. We may throw or pretend to throw an object at a person seriously or for
fun.
_____________________________________________________________________
1.34 Aspects
Here, we’ll talk about body
language. We shall also learn about proximity, touch, posture, voice,
sound symbols, orientation, physical characteristics, time, silence.
The study of language is called linguistics. This branch of
knowledge studies, investigates, analyses and describes language, its
formation, its function and so on. Similarly, various aspects of nonverbal
communication are being studied, investigated, analyzed and described. Kinesics
studies body language. Proxemics studies personal space. Haptics studies
touch, Oculosics, eye contact, Chronemics, time, Vocalics,
voice.
________________________________________________________________________
1.35 Body language[kinesics]
This is a broad term for
different forms of communication using body movement or gestures instead of or
in addition to verbal expressions. Such messages are known as paralanguage.
This includes facial
expressions, gestures, eye contact, nodding.
________________________________________________________________________
1.36
physical characteristics
Physical
appearance is the first source that gives shape to mental images of people we
come into contact with. It’s not possible to store a person in our memory just
by name or position. Until we see the person, we automatically indulge in
image-forming. That we do this is evident when we are surprised by the
difference between our image and the actual person. We may even be disappointed
or annoyed that the person looks very different from the mental image we
formed.
Height,
weight, colour, hair, beard, unkempt hair, thick or thin eyebrows, dress, dress
colours, its quality convey messages to others. The viewer combines all these
or some of these to add or delete value to the image of the person he/she has
in mind. Fair colour is generally a plus, Fatness is generally a minus. A beard
can make one handsome or ugly. Thick eyebrows are generally unfavourable. A
well-dressed person is generally liked.
However,
how someone views physical characteristics will depend their perceptions or how
they look at these characteristics.
________________________________________________________________________
1.37 Facial expressions
They convey emotions or
feelings. They can be as different as concentration, anger, contempt, disgust,
desire, doubt, greed, excitement, fear, joy, confusion, sadness, surprise,
frown, glare, shock, smile, sneer. Expression of feeling or emotions can bring
sympathy, understanding, help as support and thus reduce mental, psychological
or emotional disturbances. Or it can result in negative reaction like
disassociation, enmity and the like.
Winking, rolling the
eyes, raising the eyebrows, twitching the nose, scratching the head, gnashing
the teeth, putting the tongue out, closing the eyes, intentional coughing,
tapping the forehead, massaging temples, face turned away, bent head, head
shaking, raising the chin, using fingers or arms to go with what we’re saying,
nodding are gestures that send meaningful messages.
Winking expresses
amusement or understanding between two, not known to others . Rolling the eyes
indicates disbelief or mockery. Raising the eyebrows shows doubt or seeks more
explanation or information. Twitching the nose indicates irritation, dislike or
disgust. Scratching the head expresses difficulty in getting a solution.
Gnashing the teeth occurs as a result of extreme anger. Intentional coughing
draws attention. Tapping the forehead says ‘the credit goes to thinking’.
Massaging temples highlights anxiety.
Bent head expresses shame or is a form of greeting with respect.
Inclined head indicates interest in what’s being said. Nodding is generally a
sign of confirmation. It’s also a ‘hello’ gesture, indicating informality. We
nod as a sign of encouragement or attention when someone is speaking to us.
Otherwise that person might think we have no interest in him or what he’s
saying. We say ‘Look over there!’ with the forefinger pointing in a given
direction. We use the forefinger while asking a person to leave the place. We
use arms as additional sign of welcome. We shake hands as a sign of greeting or
happiness. We use our arms as we give a speech or lecture for such gesture
lends strength and life to what we may be saying. Arms are a necessary tool
when communicating to a dumb and deaf person.
We threaten with a
shaking fist. We wave our hand to show affection. We pound a table for
emphasis. We lean forward to show interest. Leaning back in the chair exhibits
disinterest. Moving away from a group or our partner in conversation is a clear
sign of disinterest, disassociation, unwillingness to continue the conversation
and so on, depending on the context. Our eyes widen as we wonder at what we’re
seeing or hearing. A quick wink may tell
stories that words cannot fully express. Finger-tapping shows impatience. We
pace the floor with restlessness. We shrug our shoulders indifferently.
We slam a door in anger.
We clap to appreciate or to ask a performer to stop!
So how well we manage
people through communicating depends on how well we respond or react to
what the speaker is communicating.
________________________________________________________________________
1.38 Eye contact
This is a very essential
body language for socialization purpose and managing people through communicaing.
It is a positive sign seeking contact, acquaintance, friendship, business,
relationship, understanding, appreciation, criticism. Without eye contact, we
cannot succeed in an interview, for instance. We need to look at the
interviewers as we speak. Again, we should not get into the habit of looking at
only one person when there are several. This would mean we are ignoring the
others and don’t recognize their presence. They will be hurt and naturally
you’ll lose them in due course. “Look me
in the eye” is what we say when we suspect someone lying to us. It indicates you have nothing to hide and
that you are open-minded. It also sends a message of confidence to the speaker.
It also helps retention and recall of information because it links one mind
with another and it is a sign of attention as well.
________________________________________________________________________
1.39 Nodding
When we speak, we
expect listeners to look at us and to nod so that we know they are
listening. Nodding confirms listeners and encourages the speaker to continue. This
is a very important responding act in managing people through communicating.
Confirmation through nodding, however, may be culture-dependent. We Indians
expect our partners to nod often or express confirmation through vocal
responses.
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1.40 posture
When we keep our body
in a particular position, when we hold our body in a particular way, posture
happens. Postures communicate social or official status, dominance or
submissiveness.
We indicate superior
status or dominance when we are seated and the other person keeps standing.
When the other person stands hands folded across the chest even when we are
standing, it shows our superior status and the other person’s submissiveness.
We stand as straight as possible before our superiors. We bend our back forward
to explain a point or to direct our superior to a particular part of a visual
or a piece of writing or a balance sheet. During job interview, the interviewer
sits leaning the body on the back of the chair while the interviewee is
expected to sit with a straight back or rest his/her back lightly on the back
of the chair. Resting the back against the back of the chair will lead to the
body sliding down a bit and that is not considered appropriate posture for the
interviewee to take.
Some postures are
difficult to read. For instance, if we stand with our arms crossed at our back
and a bent head, it may indicate shame, shyness, sadness or modesty. It could
also mean that we are very self-conscious. If we stand with our feet apart and
arms on the hip, it could mean authority, pride or confidence. When we sit
slouched [in a drooping fashion], it could mean accepting defeat, confusion in
the mind, helplessness or disappointment or even boredom. To interpret such
postures, we need to take into account other aspects like the person’s
personality, attitude, confidence-level and the context or the situation the
person is in because we want to manage people through communicating.
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1.41 proximity [proxemics]
This refers to physical
space that we have in mind and put to use when we are with others in a given
place. That is, ‘space’ refers to the distance we would like to maintain
between others and us. The nearer we are to each other, the more intimate we
are to each other. The more the distance we are at, the more the distant the
relationship is.
Some of us may be particular
about the distance. We may not like others coming or moving closer to us. If
someone did reduce the distance they have in mind, we would move away. Such
moving away is probably more reflexive than intentional. So we need to be
watchful and avoid embarrassing such people because we want to manage people
through communicating.
We also need to be
careful about personal space when we are at a gathering, at a party, we should
be conscious about this aspect of non-verbal communication. Otherwise, we may
not understand why someone moves away from us. A guest may be standing alone or
away from the rest of the guests. Seeing this, another guest might try to
engage that person and become unhappy for not getting any response. But we
should respect someone’s wish to be aloof because it may be their nature.
Again, when we try to join a group, its members may not like it and show it by
body language.
There is another possible
interpretation of proximity. We are likely to develop a closer relationship
with those nearer to us than with those who are far away from us. When we trust
someone, we are likely to not bother about personal space. When we are not
particularly interested in someone or when we dislike someone, we are likely to
maintain distance from them.
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1.42 Time (chronemics)
By ‘time’, we refer to
the amount of time we take to respond. We may take less or more time. The
partner will interpret the ‘time’ according to the situation, his/her mental
make-up at that moment and understanding of the person responding. ‘Pause’ is
another useful tool to communicate. When we say something important and we want
our partner to understand its importance, we stop speaking for a few seconds. But
we should not stop too often when we are speaking because this will give the
impression that we are unable to convey messages properly.
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Speech Aspects
1.43 Elements
This refers to the
non-verbal elements of communication that we use to modify meaning and convey
emotions. They may be expressed consciously or unconsciously.
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1.44 Voice (vocal and verbal)
[I] pronunciation:
Voice refers to the sound[s] produced
through the mouth. These sounds are produced
with the help of vocal cords to pronounce
vowels [a, e, i, o, u] and consonants [b, c/k,
c/s, ch, d, f/ph, g, h, j, l, m, n, ng,
p, q, r, t, th, v, w, y, z ].
The letter ‘a’ is pronounced in eight
different ways:
man, many, palm, what, abide advocate, albeit, date
The letter ‘e’ is pronounced in seven
different ways:
kettle, complete, clerk, mother, refer, elite, hero,
The letter ‘i’ is pronounced in three
different ways:
miss, marine idea
The letter ‘o’ is pronounced in ten
different ways:
cot, wolf, prove, come, colonel, doctor, owl, hero, women
The letter ‘u’ is pronounced in six
different ways:
minute, full, cut, turn, column pollution
consonants
The letter ‘c’ [1] as ‘k’: cat,
chemistry [2] as ‘s’: cell
The letters ‘ch’: check, cheque
The letter[s] ‘f’/’ph’ [1] as ‘f’:
father [2] as ‘f’: philosophy
The letter ‘g’ [1] as ‘g’: get [2] as ‘j’: germ
The letter ‘k’/’q’ [1] as ‘k’: kill [2] as ‘k’: queue, quay, cheque, curious
The letters ‘ng’: single
The letter ‘p’: pink
The letter ‘s’: sick
measure [ ]
The letters ‘sh’: shock
The letters ‘th’: [1] think [2] then
The letter ‘w’: [1] win [2] one
The letter ‘y’: [1] many [2] yes, you [j]
The letter ‘z’: zinc, zero
These sounds must be
pronounced accurately for ease of comprehension. Clarity in pronunciation
enhances your image and mispronunciation lowers your image in the eyes of your
listeners. For instance, ‘zero’ should not be pronounced as ‘jeero’
________________________________________________________________________
1.45 accent (vocal and verbal)
When we pronounce one part of an English
word more than the other parts, it’s
known
as accent. In other words, we pronounce one or more parts of a
word with
less force and another part with more
force. The parts of a word are known as
syllables.
A syllable is made up of one or more
speech sounds with a vowel in it. There can be
no syllable without a vowel in it.
Words can have one syllable or more than one
syllable.
We must remember that we produce sounds
in groups to form words and that words
may have several letters. So there can
be difference between how we pronounce
sounds in groups and how we write them
with the letters of the alphabet:
Look at these words:
one syllable words : go, eat, feel, field, screen, straight
two syllable words : a|bove, in|fant, per|mit,
free|dom,
three syllable words : e|du|cate, po|si|tion, no|mi|nate
four syllable words : ex|cel|lent|ly, cor|res|pond|ence
five
syllable words :
ac|com|mo|da|tion,
ac|cu|mu|la|tion
note: The vertical lines indicate
the number of syllables.
|
We also ‘stress’ certain words in a
sentence to show their importance in the
messages we convey:
I spoke to him yesterday
on my way home.
Normally, when someone says this to us,
we hear ‘spoke’, ‘yesterday’ and
‘home’ louder than ‘I’, ‘to’ or ‘on my
way’ because in English we don’t utter all
the words with equal force like we do
in Indian languages. This is known as ‘stress’
pattern.
But when we want to give special focus
to a particular word, we speak that word
with more force than the other words:
I spoke to him
yesterday on my way home.
The stress on ‘I’ means ‘it’s I, not
anybody else’ who spoke to him.
I spoke to
him yesterday on my way home.
The stress on ‘spoke’ means ‘I spoke
to him, not hit him’.
I spoke to him
yesterday on my way home.
The stress on ‘him’ means ‘I spoke to
him, not anybody else’.
I spoke to him yesterday
on my way home.
The stress on ‘yesterday’ means ‘I
spoke to him yesterday, not today’.
I spoke to him
yesterday on way home.
The stress on ‘on my way home’ means
‘I spoke to him yesterday on
my way home, not ‘anywhere else’.
Such stress on different parts of a
sentence helps us communicate different
messages.
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1.46 intonation (vocal and verbal)
This helps us distinguish between
different parts of speech. That is, there are words
that have the same spelling for, say,
noun and verb but stress[sound force] changes
from one syllable to another.
object [noun] object [verb]
Learn the difference in
pronunciation of these words and their grammar:
conduct [noun, verb], contest [verb,
noun], content [noun, adjective],
contract [verb, noun], contrast [verb,
noun], converse [verb, adjective],
convert [noun, verb], convict [noun, verb], produce [verb, noun],
project [verb, noun], perfect [adjective, verb] import [noun,
verb],
insult [verb, noun], subject [verb, noun]
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1.47 tone (vocal and nonverbal)
To understand how
‘tone’ functions as a non-verbal communication, read this. When someone asks a
question, we say ‘yes’ to agree with or accept what the other person is saying.
For this, our tone is normal. But it’s possible that we want to add some more
meaning to the ‘yes’. When we wish to do this, we use our tone. For instance,
the ‘yes’ with a raised volume can imply impatience or ‘so what?’ When we say
‘yes’ haltingly, it can send a message of ‘hesitation’. When there is
aggression in the tone, the ‘yes’ will probably be a threat. The ‘yes’ with a
bored voice means ‘disinterest’ or ‘compulsion’. The ‘yes’ in a whisper
indicates ‘reluctance’ or ‘meekness’. ‘Yes’ with a falling tone means that the
idea is complete. ‘Yes’ with a rising tone is a question; this is used
especially when a stranger is at our door or someone approaches us .
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1.48 volume (vocal and nonverbal)
When we speak, the
volume of our voice is normal in the sense that it’s clearly heard and doesn’t
disturb the hearer. But sometimes, we may increase or reduce the volume. We
increase it if we know the other person is hard of hearing or if we become
angry or if we wish to assert ourselves. Or we may reduce the volume. We reduce
it because there’s something wrong with our throat or because we don’t want
others to hear what we’re saying to this person.
This gains tremendous
significance when we are addressing a gathering without the help of electronic
equipment. You will be a failure as a speaker if your voice cannot reach people
at the far end of the meeting venue. Audience will lose interest and you
will fail to manage people through communicating.
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1.49 sound symbols (vocal and nonverbal)
‘Ah’, ‘aha’, ‘er…’,
‘ha’, ‘ha ha’, ‘hey’, ‘hi’, ‘ho’ ‘oh’, ‘oho’, ‘ooh’, ‘ouch’, ‘sh’, ’uh’, ‘um’,
‘uh-huh’, ‘um’ are sounds that we produce as symbols to express our emotions.
‘Ah’ shows surprise, pleasure, admiration or disagreement, depending on the
context. ‘Aha’ indicates happiness at understanding or finding out something.
‘er…’ is used to express hesitation. ‘Ha’ represents surprise, pleasure,
suspicion. ‘Ha ha’ shows enjoyment. ‘Hey’ attracts someone’s attention or shows
anger. ‘Hi’ is a greeting, equivalent to ‘hello’. ‘Ho’ represents derision.
‘Oh’ is used when something unexpected is heard. ‘Oho’ expresses surprise or recognition.
‘Ooh’ we say to indicate delight or surprise or pain. ‘Ouch’ is an expression
of sudden pain, say, when our toe hits against a hard substance. ‘Sh’ is used
to order silence. ‘Uh’ shows hesitation or enquiry. ‘Um’ indicates ‘listener is
not sure what to say’. ‘Uh-huh’ we use to show understanding, agreement or to
ask someone to continue talking. ‘Um’ means ‘listener is not sure what to say.’
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1.50 silence (non-vocal and nonverbal)
When we communicate we
are verbal and vocal [speaking], non-vocal but verbal [writing], nonverbal and
non-vocal, vocal and nonverbal.
Silence is non-vocal and nonverbal. It can be a very effective tool of
communication when used sparingly. When our partner expects us to respond,
reply, we may remain silent. This silence can be due to not knowing what to
say, not wanting to say anything, not to hurt the other person, not getting the
right words to use, fear of being misunderstood, extreme anger or shock and so
on. Silence can be interpreted properly if we know the other person well.
Otherwise, misunderstandings can occur, and managing people will become
difficult.
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1.51 Why is
non-verbal communication important?
We use both verbal and
nonverbal messages to communicate with others. But it is believed that
generally speaking, we derive meaning from nonverbal messages rather than from
the verbal. Because the former is more natural, instinctive, involuntary and
automatic. Words may lie. Verbal messages may hide our thoughts or feelings. We
may speak, converse and continue our relationship with a person even when we
hate that person. We may call someone names but we don’t mean them. We may say
“I’ll kill you” but more often it stays at the threat level. We may bless
someone while in our mind we’re actually cursing that person.
Non-verbal communication
does not usually lie. Very rarely do we plan it. But it may lie when we want to
intentionally deceive or when we have in mind some gain for ourselves or our
close ones. We may embrace a person to show friendship or relationship, but we
may actually be planning how to steal their property.
If we made it a
practice to observe how we use our body to communicate and how others use
theirs and learn from the observation, we would be able to handle different
relationships better and enjoy harmony with others. We would also be able to monitor our own signals and achieve better
control over ourselves and so function more effectively.
There is another aspect
that should be remembered constantly. The interpretation of non-verbal
communication is likely to differ from culture to culture. For instance, a
French man may look at a woman for a longer time than an American might. The
Frenchman may be appreciating beauty while the American would consider the
look bad manners.
It’s also necessary to
remember constantly that the messages that non-verbal communication conveys
need not be the same for all the members even in the same community.
________________________________________________________________________
Barriers
1.52 Dialogues
See Active
Listening
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1.53 What are these barriers?
See Active
Listening
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1.54 Internal barriers [occurring within an individual and
between individuals]
See Active
Listening
_______________________________________________________________________
1.55 External barriers [environment outside individuals]
See Active
Listening
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Communicating
efficiently and effectively
1.56 Introduction
Managing is a global challenge that
encompasses other challenges. Managing is not avoiding problems, not ignoring
them and not wishing they would go away in time. Managing is facing problems
and solving them. Managing is equipping us with ‘skills’. Managing is using
these ‘skills’ to handle and help people so that everyone benefits.
We can manage people by communicating
efficiently and effectively. Communicating efficiently implies the knowledge
and use, with minimum effort, of verbal and nonverbal mediums suited to the listener[s]
and the context of communicating. Communicating effectively implies being
partners-friendly so that everyone benefits.
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1.57 Communicating efficiently
To start with, we should be clear about
what we want to say. We should decide what we want to talk about, how much of
it and to whom we should say this. In other words, planning is necessary,
organizing thoughts according to purpose is necessary. Next, we should have a good
command of the English language. A good command of English implies that we know
words and sentence structures appropriate to conveying messages and use them
without meaning and grammar errors; we should also have a good knowledge of
non-verbal language appropriate to the communicating act and use them to support
[not negate] the verbal communication so that listeners can clearly understand
what we are saying.
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1.58 Communicating effectively
Mere efficiency will not suffice. A
communicating act comes to fruition only when it is performed effectively. We
should get the cooperation of partners to join and complete the communicating
act. For this we should enter into the act without self images and the images
of listeners affecting negatively what and how we want to convey—without
assumptions and expectations, for these are the major barriers to
communicating. Most of the time we are so preoccupied with our needs, our
desires, our hopes and with how others’ responses will affect us that we forget
to treat our partners properly. This tendency on our part is not being
selfish—probably it is instinctively geared towards self preservation.
But communicating effectively is essential
even for our survival, let alone for our happiness or prosperity or those of
others. We should be more ‘you’-oriented’ than ‘I-oriented’. We should
constantly remember that we are not perfect, that it’s not fair to expect
others to be perfect, that we should do our best to adjust ourselves to the
needs and expectations of co-actors, that we should cooperate with our
listeners before we expect them to do so. In other words, our perceptions of
and attitude towards listeners should be neutral if not favourable.
Stiffness breeds only stiffness, tension
begets only tension whereas understanding cannot result in misunderstanding,
small adjustments strengthen relationships and make managing people a reality.
Langdon Mitchell said: “Marriage is three parts love and seven parts
forgiveness.” Communicating effectively is seven parts warmth and three parts
compromise. Communicating then becomes a win-win situation for all the
participants.
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