Relationships
Our
communications are governed by our relationship with others; such relationship
can be seen as: formal, semi-formal and informal. The language and body
behaviour is formal with strangers, officials etc. where intimacy is zero. This
is semi-formal with acquaintances, elders etc. where status difference
indicates a certain amount of formality and where intimacy is seen in lesser
degree. This is informal with those we are very intimate.
Relationship
expressions
(group into categories)
Think
about these situations:
Should
your language to a stranger reflect respect?
Do
you speak to your lecturer the same way you speak to a friend?
Do
you use the same language to all your friends?
Do
you share the same thoughts with your mother, father, brother, friend?
Do
you share the same thoughts with all your friends?
How
do you dress for a job interview: jeans and shirt tucked in front and open at
the back
or creased pants and shirt well tucked in?
Remember
your responses and read on.
We
can put these people into specific groups:
formal = polite, respectful,
zero intimacy
informal = some intimacy or high
intimacy
semi-formal = almost no intimacy and
so politeness necessary
Relationships and their nature:
Wherever we may live, there’ll be differences in
the way we behave and move with others. That is, we don’t treat everyone on the
same footing, our relations with others differ from person to person.
In other words, the level of intimacy will be from
zero to maximum.
We can look
at relationships in two ways:
1.
Nonpersonal (formal) 2. Personal
(semi-formal and informal)
Nonpersonal relationship
This is formal
in nature, so has zero / no intimacy. We don’t
move with these people closely at
all. So the language and the tone that we use will be formal.
Four types of
people belong to this ‘formal’ category:
· officials : people working in
public/government or private organisations
· superiors
: those whose orders we should obey (in offices)
(This applies to
student-teacher relationship as well.)
· editors
(newspaper/ magazine)
· strangers : people other than
those belonging to the three categories above
Personal relationship
This is nonformal
in nature, so has intimacy (closeness). But we don’t feel close to these people
equally. So the language and the tone we use will be different according to the
various levels of intimacy.
Four types of people belong to this ‘nonformal’
category:
· parents,
brothers, sisters (immediate family)
distant relatives—maternal and paternal
· neighbours,
townfolk, elders in the community, public
figures well known
to society through their services or respective fields of activity
· acquaintances
whom we met somewhere and who remain such
· friends
The
intimacy between us and the people listed
above varies because our wishes,
dreams,
thoughts, age,
expectations, hopes and theirs are not the same. Such differences lead to more intimacy with some
and less with some others.
As
a result, personal relationship, is of two
kinds:
1. more intimacy (informal)
2.
less intimacy (semiformal)
more intimacy (informal)
· friends
· relatives—distant or immediate
· neighbours
Our ideas and the ideas of these people are identical or almost identical. Attraction and affection starts and improves between them and us. So we speak freely, we share our inner thoughts
with them. Thus there are almost no
boundaries between them and us.
less intimacy
(semiformal)
· friends
· acquaintances
· relatives—distant or immediate
· neighbours
These people and we don’t see eye to eye on several
issues. Attraction and affection
is that much less. So we don’t speak to each other
freely, we avoid
sharing our inner thoughts with them. Thus, our relationship with them remains defined.
Below
are several dialogues. Read them carefully and say the category to which each
belongs. The categories are: formal, semi - formal, informal. The expressions
(the language) in the dialogues will help you.
1.
A: I wonder if you could make
these trousers a little wider at the ankle. I find
them rather tight.
B:
Well, Sir, it’s the fashion. All my customers are asking for very narrow
trousers.
A: Oh, I see.
I’m afraid I’m rather ignorant of the fashions.
2.
A. Can you come and see us this evening?
B.
I don’t think I can. I have to give a talk. If it’s
important, can I suggest tomorrow evening?
3.
A: Meet me this evening.
B: No.
A: Why?
B: Don’t you
remember? I have a
a talk to give.
A: How about
tomorrow morning, then?
B: Okay.
4.
A: Let’s meet this evening, shall we ?
B: Sorry Raj. I have a talk to give.
A: I see. Shall we meet tomorrow
morning ?
B: Mm, Agreed.
5.
A: If you aren’t too busy, could we meet this evening ?
B: I should
love to, but I have an appointment.
A: Could we
possibly meet tomorrow morning, then?
B: That would
be fine.
6. A: Excuse me. I wonder if you could tell me
how to reach
the post office.
B: I’m so
sorry. I’m also new around here. If I may suggest ...
A: Yes,
please.
B: You might
try the Chemist across the street.
7. A: Excuse me. Which is the way to
the post office?
B: I’m also
a stranger. You can try the Chemist across the street.
A:Thank
you.
8. A: I’d like to meet Mr. Kadir.
B: Oh,
you must be Mr. Raman. I am Kadir, please come in.
I’ve been expecting you.
A: I got
lost coming here.
B: I’m
awfully sorry. I ought to have told you how to get here.
Would you care for a drink?
A: No,
thank you. I must hurry back. Here’s the package I’ve
been asked to deliver.
B: Thank
you so much.
9. A:
How are you, Mrs. Sadhana ?
B: Very well, thank you. I’ve come
about Siddharth.
A: Yes.
B: You see, he’s always complaining of
stomach ache.
10. A: Nasty accident that !
B: Yes.
Subhash’s lost four of his fingers.
A: It’s
going to be tough on him. Don’t you think?
B: It’ll
be, I guess.
11. A: I don’t like going to the
cinema.*1
B: I’m
surprised. All people enjoy films.
A: The
trouble is that most of the films are Westerns *2
which bore me.
*1 the cinema = a place where films are
shown. We use this to mean a film. And we use ‘the
theatre’ as a
synonym for ‘the cinema’. But ‘the theatre’ actually refers to
a place where dramas are
staged/ shown.
*2 westerns are cowboy films.
12. A:
I don’t like going to the cinema.
B: Don’t
tell me! Didn’t you see a film last week?
A: Yes.
But I’m fed up with seeing Westerns.
13. A: Would you care for another
helping ?*
B: No, if
you wouldn’t mind. It was delicious, but I’m trying
not to get fatter.
14. A: Won’t you have another helping
?
B: No,
thank you. I don’t like to get any fatter.
15. A:
Have another helping ? *
B: No. I
won’t get any fatter.
A: Aren’t
you exaggerating ?
16. A: What could be better? ! We are
all eating at the Taj.
B: Really?
That’s great!
A: You know
why we are going? To celebrate your new
appointment.
B: Ah, I
see.
A: Yes,
we’ve all agreed, haven’t we?
C, D,
E: Yes, yes.
A: Do you
know who’s paying the bill?
B: We are
sharing, aren’t we? (silence) Who is the kind person?
A: Who
else? You!
B: Me ? Oh,
no!
More conversation samples
A party where strangers, acquaintances and friends
are together. Depending on who meets
who, the situation may be formal / semi formal informal.
[A]
Suman : Raj, come, I’ll introduce you to Dr. Raghu.
: Dr Raghu, this is Prof. Raj.
Raj : How d’you do ? (extending his hand)
Raghu : How d’you do ? (shaking hands)
(the conversation
continues . . .)
note:
‘How d’ you do?’ is the response to ‘How d’ you do?’ This expression has no
meaning of its
own.
[B]
Suresh : Hello, Shyam!
Shyam : Hello! How come you are here?
I
thought you were ...
Suresh : Supposed to be at Kolkata. Had to cancel it.*
Shyam : Anything wrong with Raji?
(anxiously)
Suresh : No, no. She is of course recovering.
It’s the storm. Didn’t want to
risk.........*
Shyam : Risk? What risk?
Suresh : I meant the mess at Kolkata.
[C]
Mr Guha : Good
evening, Mr. Prabhu!
Mr. Prabhu : Oh
good evening, Mr Guha! What a pleasant surprise!
Mr. Guha : But
I had expected you, here.
* Incomplete sentences (especially without
subject) are common in informal
conversations.
A is formal, B informal and C semiformal.
A
train journey is one where people stay together. Where people talk to each
other without getting introduced, from where they leave without a word said or
without getting introduced
[A]
Passenger A : Excuse me, is the Sports Star the latest ?
Passenger B : Yes.
(extending it)
Passenger A :
Thank you.
Passenger B : Not
at all.
Passenger A :
Thank you. I’m Karthik.*
(returning Works Manager, HCL
the magazine)
Passenger B : I’m
Chandran *, Sales Manager, GCIM.
Passenger A :
Then you must be knowing Mr. Kanthan,
your Works Manager.
Passenger B : I
do. In fact, we’re very close. How do you....
Passenger A : We
were classmates at SIM, Bangalore.
*
We are generally known by our own names (Christian names) not our fathers’
(surnames). But Westerners use their surnames
in formal / official situations (Not
their Christian names) ; they use their
Christian names only when there is a degree of
intimacy or where intimacy exists or is
permitted. When you introduce yourself,
don’t use any title with your name (Mr/ /Dr)
But see below.
[B]
In
a conference (during lunch)
Participant A : Congratulations! You raised a few very
disturbing questions. I’m Mrs Deepika Chandran,
Editor,
Science Section, SCITECH, Chennai.
Participant B : Thank you, Mrs. Deepika. I wondered if
any one listened at all. I’m Ms.Chandrika,
lecturer in Economics, SIET, Mayiladuthurai.
As
a woman, introduce yourself as Mrs if you wish to be addressed so. Otherwise,
use Ms (pronounced as Miz) or simply your name [I’m Chandrika].
[C]
In a debate competition
Karthik : Congrats,
Mr. Sekhar for winning the Cup.
You were faultless.
I’m Karthik, third year student of Mech.
NEC, Thanjavur.
Sekhar : Experience, I guess. Is it your first in
Chennai? (Karthik nods)
Well, for a novice, you spoke extremely well
but poor time management was your
problem.
Karthik : You are
quite right. I had so much to say. Mr Sekhar, you are a. . . . .
Sekhar : Sorry to
interrupt. But no Mr. I’m just Sekhar.
Final year Law, Madras Law college.
Glad to know you, and see you soon. Bye.
Karthik : Glad to
know you, too. Before I leave, will your College participate if my College
invites?
Sekhar : Honestly,
we don’t go to the districts but now that I know
you, I’ll see to it.
Karthik : I’m so
glad. That’ll be another opportunity to listen to
you. Bye, Sekhar.
A
is formal, B is semiformal, C is informal though in all of them the speakers
are strangers to begin with. But in B and C the speakers have something in
common and this makes them avoid being formal though they are meeting for the
first time.
______________________________________________________________________________
On the Phone
: Hello!
Sankar : Is that 28253763? [ two eight two five
three seven six three]
:
Yes.
Sankar : Could I speak to Suresh ?
Suresh’s
mother : Suresh is not in. I’m Suresh’s mother. And
you are ...
Sankar : Sankar. Suresh’s classmate.
I’m calling to know if he’s decided to go
with me for the field trip.
Suresh’s
mother : You have a phone?
Sankar : Yes, he has my number.
Suresh’s
mother : That’s fine. You can also reserve for him.
Sankar : Thank you, auntie (madam). Bye.
________________________________________________________________________
: Hello! This is 26328107. [ two
six three two eight one 0 seven]
Sharanath
: I’d like to speak to Mr Pande.
Mr. Pande
: Speaking.
Sharath :
Good morning, Mr. Pande. I’m Sharath, Student President, GEC.
Your PA told me you’d be available at your
house today.
She gave me your residence number.
Mr. Pande :
Good morning, Mr Sharath. What’s the urgency?
Sharath :
Sorry to disturb you, sir. I had to ring you because
she said you were going on a tour and I wanted to know
if you would be free to give a lecture.....
Mr. Pande :
Sorry to interrupt you, Mr. Sharath. When do you want me for the lecture?
Sharath
: Any day between the 20th and the 25th, sir.
Mr. Pande
: I see. Will 22nd be all right?
Sharath :
That would be fine, sir. We’d like you to speak on journalism in India.
Mr. Pande :
Mm. Am I free to choose - anything close to this?
Sharath :
Of course, yes, sir.
Mr Pande :
Please meet me on 19th at my office at 10 am.
Sharath :
Yes. And thank you, sir. Good bye.
________________________________________________________________________
Krishnan :
Hello ! Krishnan, here.
Kuruvilla :
Guess who’s speaking.
Krishnan :
Is that Abey kuruvilla?
Kuruvilla :
Who else could it be? How ARE* you, Krish?
Krishnan :
How are YOU*, Abey? Is this an STD call?
Kuruvilla :
Yes, I’m coming to Chennai next week. Let’s have a chat.
Krishnan :
Sure. How long are you staying?
Kuruvilla :
Five days.
Krishnan :
When are you arriving? I’ll receive you.
When
you meet a friend after a long gap, if you are asking first, you stress ‘ARE’
and your
friend ‘YOU’. This emphasis indicates
affection.
_______________________________________________________________________
A complaint
Mr Narayanan
: Yes, come in.
Sundar : Mr Narayanan? I’m Sundar.
Mr. Narayanan :
Please be seated, Mr Sundar.
How can I help you?
Sundar : Our phone is not working.
Mr. Narayanan : Are
you the owner of the phone?
Sundar : No. It’s my father, Prof.
Raghavan.
Mr. Narayanan : Is
the sound coming garbled? Is it cross talk?
Or is the phone dead?
Sundar : Our problem is we are always
getting wrong numbers.
Mr. Narayanan : Did
you have trouble before?
Sundar : Not as far as I know.
Mr. Narayanan : I
see. On your way out, please fill particulars on a form at the
reception.
We’ll send down someone tomorrow.
Sundar : Tomorrow?
Mr. Narayanan : We
are short of personnel. Latest tomorrow, we’ll have
your phone
working. Bye, Mr. Sundar.
Sundar :
Thank you. Bye, Mr Narayanan.
________________________________________________________________________
A visitor to home
Somu’s dad : Somu, see who is at the door.
Somu : Yes, dad. (opens the door, sees a
stranger)
Yes?
Visitor : Is Mr Sugumaran at home?
Somu : Yes. May I. . . .
Visitor : I’m Gnanasekaran. A friend of Mr Sugumaran.
Somu : I’m Somu, his son. Please come in.
(Mr. Gnanasekaran enters)
Please be seated. (switches on the
fan.)
Visitor : No, thank you. It doesn’t agree with
me.
Somu : (Switching it off)
I’m sorry! I didn’t know.
Visitor : It’s okay. How could you?
Somu : I’ll inform father. In the meantime,
would you like to read today’s Hindu?
Visitor : Thank you, Somu.
(receiving
it)
Somu : Dad! A Mr Gnanasekaran has come to
see you.
(comes back)
He’ll be here in a moment. What would
you like for a drink?
Visitor : Nothing for the moment. Thank you,
anyway.
________________________________________________________________
