1. Communicating interpersonally
Communicating
occurs at three different levels: extrapersonal, intrapersonal, interpersonal.
It’s extrapersonal when pets are
involved. It’s not uncommon to find people talking to animals, pets, plants,
elements of nature. Intrapersonal
refers to talking to oneself.
When
we meditate, contemplate, think, analyze, interpret, we are communicating to
ourselves.
Interpersonal
involves two or more than two people passing on and receiving messages of
various kinds interactively as speaker(s)-listener(s) or listener(s)-speaker(s).
It happens through several mediums, the major ones being verbal and non—verbal,
some of the other ones being dancing, painting. When messages
are passed on from one person to another without using words or speech, they
are termed non-verbal.
2. Non-verbal
messages
Nonverbal communication represents two-thirds of
all communication (Wikipedia).
Sometimes we communicate only
nonverbally. We may enter or leave a place without permission to show there is
no formality or to show authority. We may throw or pretend to throw an object
at a person seriously or for fun.
People tend to have much less control over their
non-verbal messages than of what they’re actually saying. This is partly
because non-verbal communication is much more emotional and instinctive. If there is a mismatch
between the two, therefore, you should probably trust the non-verbal messages,
rather than the words used.
A lack of non-verbal message may also be a signal
of sorts, suggesting that the speaker is carefully controlling their body
language, and may be trying to hide their true emotions.
Cross-cultural studies done in various countries on all continents show
people not only express basic emotions very similarly (happiness, fear, surprise, anger, disgust, sadness) but also recognize them
without hesitation.
3. Interaction between verbal and nonverbal messages
Nonverbal messages can interact with verbal messages thus:
Conflicting
When verbals and nonverbals convey conflicting messages the latter are
taken as revealing the mental disposition.
Complementing
Accurate interpretation of messages is made easier when nonverbals and
verbals complement each other. Besides, messages are remembered better when
nonverbal signals affirm the verbal exchange.
Substituting
Nonverbal signals can be used by themselves. Widening of the eyes indicates wonder, raising
of the eyebrows, doubt, and a smile, satisfaction or happiness.
4. Body Language
Non-verbal communication is equated with
‘body language’. Because most of it occurs through the use of the body. Body
language also includes ‘gestures’ that we do with different parts of the
body.
4.1
face
Winking, rolling the
eyes, raising the eyebrows, twitching the nose, scratching the head, gnashing
the teeth, putting the tongue out, closing the eyes, intentional coughing,
tapping the forehead, massaging temples, face turned away, bent head, head
shaking, raising the chin, using fingers or arms, nodding, pouting express messages.
4.2 physical characteristics
Height, weight, colour,
hair, beard, unkempt hair, thick or thin eyebrows, dress, dress colours, its
quality convey messages.
4.3 eye contact
This is
a very essential body language for socialization purposes.
It’s generally said that eyes don’t lie. When somebody fails to look at you, we
say ‘Look me in the eye.’
4.4
posture
This
happens when we keep our body in a particular position,
when we hold
our body in a particular way—the way we stand, the way we’re seated.
4.5
proximity
This
refers to physical space that we have in mind and put to use when we are with
others in a given place. ‘Space’ refers to the body
distance between others and us.
4.6 touch
We employ this when we shake hands,
placing a hand on another’s shoulder, embrace, lift one bodily.
4.7 time
By
‘time’, we refer to the amount of time we take to respond. We may take less or
more time. The partner will interpret the ‘time’ according to the situation,
his/her mental make-up at that moment and understanding of the person
responding.
4.8
speech aspects
4.8.1
tone (vocal and nonverbal)
When
someone asks a question, we say ‘yes’ to agree with or accept what the other
person is saying. For this, our tone is normal. But it’s possible that we want
to add some more meaning to the ‘yes’. When we wish to do this, we use our
tone. For instance, the ‘yes’ with a raised volume can imply impatience or ‘so
what?’ When we say ‘yes’ haltingly, it can send a message of ‘hesitation’. When
there is aggression in the tone, the ‘yes’ will probably be a threat. The ‘yes’
with a bored voice means ‘disinterest’ or ‘compulsion’. The ‘yes’ in a whisper
indicates ‘reluctance’ or ‘meekness’. ‘Yes’ with a falling tone means that the
idea is complete. ‘Yes’ with a rising tone is a question.
4.8.2.
volume (vocal and nonverbal)
When we
speak, the volume of our voice is normal in the sense that it’s clearly heard
and doesn’t disturb the hearer. But sometimes, we may increase or reduce the
volume, depending on the need.
4.8.3 sound symbols (vocal
and nonverbal)
‘Ah’,
‘aha’, ‘er…’, ‘ha’, ‘ha ha’, ‘hey’, ‘hi’, ‘ho’ ‘oh’, ‘oho’, ‘ooh’, ‘ouch’,
‘sh’, ’uh’, ‘um’, ‘uh-huh’, ‘mmm..’ are sounds that we produce as symbols to
express our emotions.
4.9 silence
(non-vocal and
nonverbal)
It can
be a very effective tool of communication when used sparingly.
5. Why
is non-verbal communication important?
We use
both verbal and nonverbal messages to communicate with others. But it is
believed that generally speaking, we derive meaning from nonverbal messages
rather than from the verbal. Because the former is more natural, instinctive,
involuntary and automatic. Words may lie. Verbal messages may hide our thoughts
or feelings. We may speak, converse and continue our relationship with a person
even when we hate that person. We may call someone names but we don’t mean
them. We may say “I’ll kill you” but more often it stays at the threat level.
We may bless someone while in our mind we’re actually cursing that person.
Non-verbal communication does not
usually lie. Very rarely do we plan it. But it may lie when we want to
intentionally deceive or when we have in mind some gain for ourselves or our
close ones. We may embrace a person to show friendship or relationship, but we
may actually be planning how to steal their property.
6. Interpreting
nonverbals
Sources
for this subsection:
ii.Wikipedia
iii. Steve Darn’s Aspects of Nonverbal Communication in The Internet TESL Journal,
Vol.
6.1 in different countries
There is another aspect that should be
remembered constantly. The
interpretation of non-verbal communication is likely to differ from culture to
culture.
Italians express their emotions freely whereas
Englanders are generally very restrained. However, even in Italy, there are
geographical variations.
The thumbs-up gesture, which generally signals
approval in English-speaking countries, is considered offensive in other
countries, including apparently Greece, Italy and some parts of the Middle
East.
Making a circle with your thumb and forefinger like
this means OK in Western cultures. It is used in particular by divers in this
way. In Japan, however, it is reputedly the sign for money, and in Arabic
countries, it is a threat.
The Chinese prefer silence to verbal communication.
There are differences in how people handle time. In Italy and Spain
people perform several activities at once where as in America, people do one
thing at a time.
In the United States, pointing is the gesture of a finger or hand to
indicate "come here please" when beckoning a dog. But pointing with
one finger is also considered to be rude in some cultures. Those from Asian
cultures typically use their entire hand to point to something.
Sticking the tongue out is seen in Western countries as mockery but in
Polynesia it serves as a greeting and a sign of reverence.
Clapping is a North American way of applauding, but in Spain it’s used
to summon a waiter at a restaurant.
Northern Europeans nodding their heads up and down to say “yes”, and
shaking their head from side to side to say “no”. But the Greeks have for at
least three thousand years used the upward nod for disagreement and the
downward nod for agreement.
There are many ways of waving goodbye: Americans face the palm outward
and move the hand side to side, Italians face the palm inward and move the
fingers facing the other person, French and Germans face the hand horizontal
and move the fingers toward the person leaving.
In Arab and Iranian cultures, people express grief openly. They mourn
out loud, while in Asian cultures, the general belief is that it is unacceptable
to show emotion openly.
For people in Westernized countries, laughter is a sign of amusement,
but in some parts of Africa it is a sign of wonder or embarrassment.
Native Americans tend to be more reserved and less expressive with
emotions. Frequent touches are common for Chinese people; however, such
actions like touching, patting, hugging or kissing are less frequent in America
and not often publicly displayed.
As Latin American cultures embrace big speech gestures, Middle Eastern
cultures are relatively more modest in public and are not expressive.
In Western culture, eye contact is interpreted as attentiveness and
honesty. In Hispanic, Asian, Middle Eastern, and Native American cultures, eye
contact is thought to be disrespectful or rude, and lack of eye contact does
not mean that a person is not paying attention.
In Latin America and the Middle East the acceptable distance is much
shorter than what most Europeans and Americans feel comfortable with. This is
why an American or a European might wonder why the other person is invading his
or her personal space by standing so close, while the other person might wonder
why an American or a European is standing so far from him or her.
The following are examples of common gestures which
have different functions and meanings in different cultures:
1. the forefinger and the thumb forming
a circle:
Commonly: everything is ok, perfect
France: worthless, Japan—money, Germany—rude, Malta, Greece and
Brazil—obscene
2. Thumbsup
Commonly: all OK, Australia, Iran—rude, Nigeria—very offensive,
Japan—five,
Turkey—political rightist party
3. showing right palm: stop, enough
(person, car, action),
Turkey—you get nothing from me, W.Africa—you have 5 fahters
4. The fig (fingers folded into the
palm with the thumb pushed between the foreginger and
the middle finger
Turkey, Greece, Tunisia,
Holland—obscene, Russia—you get nothing from me,
Yugoslavia—you can’t have it, Brazil—good luck
6.2 in the same community
It’s also necessary to remember constantly
that the messages that non-verbal communication conveys need not be the same
for all the members even in the same community. For instance, let’s consider
shaking hands. A may just touch B’s hand with just the fingers lightly
indicating a perfunctory gesture, A may grip B’s hand in such a way B may feel
pain, A may embrace B’s hand completely indicating acceptance. A smile may or
may not accompany shaking hands indicating presence or absence of warmth.
7. Conclusion
It’s incumbent on the part of everyone—tourists,
bureaucrats, politicians, scientists, technologists, common public—to observe
how they use body language to communicate and how others use theirs and learn
from the observation so they would be able to handle different relationships
better and enjoy harmony with others. They would also be able to monitor their
own signals and achieve better control over themselves and so function more
effectively.
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